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Bob Tax in Cedar Springs


In a move sure to shock many Cedar Springs residents, the city council last week approved a new city tax. Nick-named the “Bob Tax,” the new tax would levy a 50 percent across-the-board income tax on any Cedar Springs resident with the name “Bob.”

Said council member Rose Powell, “Of course the new tax will apply to guys named Robert or Bobby. Any derivative will do.”

Citing advances in women’s rights, Powell, indicated females named Roberta, will also have to pay the new tax.

The 50 percent figure was agreed upon because so many people can readily understand it without a calculator: For example, a Bob making $20,000 annually would have to pay a Bob tax of $10,000. Those making $50,000, would have to pay $25,000.

Bobs with a gross income of over $100,000 would be exempt from the new tax as most people with that sort of money get out of paying their taxes anyway.

According to council members, money from the new tax will go towards a life-sized memorial statue of Lois Allen, owner of The Cedar Springs Post, in the center of town.

Said Allen, “Of course I’m honored by the idea of a memorial statue, especially since I am still living.”

The new statue is scheduled for a ribbon cutting ceremony on April 1st, 2015. April Fool’s.

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