Watch out for weather

Weather is always on our mind. Cold winters, hot summers, storms. The really bad ones are rare, but we have had tornadoes, windstorms, floods and ice storms.

On the national level we are recovering from the recession and changes due to the global economy.

The moral; We live in a moderate climate, and compared to some parts of the world, we live pretty well. Enjoy life. It’s all we have.

Speedy

A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. “Is it true,” he asked, “that an alligator won’t attack you if you carry a flashlight?”

“That depends,” replied the guide, “on how fast you carry the flashlight.”

Cozy

An old woman says to her friend: “You know, last night I was shivering all over from cold.”

Her friend: “Do you remember if your teeth chattered?”

The old woman: “I don’t think so. We haven’t slept together for ages.

Access

There were two buddies—one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, “Let’s go and get something to eat.”

The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.”   The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “Just follow my lead.” They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.

The bouncer at the door says, “Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.”

The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”

The bouncer says, “A Doberman Pinscher?” He says, “Yes, they’re using them now.”

The man at the door says, “Come on in.”

The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, “What the heck,” so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.

Once again the bouncer says, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.”

The guy with the Chihuahua says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.” The bouncer at the door says, “A Chihuahua?”

The man with the Chihuahua says, “A Chihuahua??? They gave me a Chihuahua?!”

Primary

John received a free ticket to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately, John’s seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He notices an empty seat 10 rows up from the 50-yard line. He decides to make his way to the empty seat. As he sits down he asks the man next to him if anyone is sitting there. The man told him no, it was empty. John is very excited to have a seat like this at a Super Bowl and asks why in the world no one is using it? The man replied that it was his wife’s seat but she passed away. He said this was the first Super Bowl that they have not attended together since they were married. John said that it was really sad and asked if he couldn’t find someone, a relative or a close friend to take the seat?

“No” replied the man. “They’re at her funeral!”