Good jokes

People sometimes ask, “Where do you get all those jokes? You don’t make them up, do you?”

Sometimes I tell the truth and admit that I don’t make them up. BUT, I always say, there’s an art to choosing good jokes.

Here’s where I reveal the secret: certain topics are funnier than average. Among them are religion, old age, blondes, little kids, and cowboys.

Religion

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. After the new priest hears a couple confessions, the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional to get a few suggestions.

“Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand,” says the old priest.

The new priest tries it. The old priest nods. “Now try murmuring things like, ‘I see… yes…  go on… I understand…’ and ‘How did you feel about that?’ ”

The new priest says those things, trying them out. “Sounds good,” says the old priest. “Now, don’t you think that’s a little better than saying, ‘Whoa…! What happened next?’ ”

Old age

The football game was a yawner so a bored student starts talking to the senior citizen sitting next to him. It’s impossible for the older generation to understand the world, he informs the senior. “You grew up in a different time. Today we have television, jumbo jets, and space exploration. We have advanced weather forecasting, electric cars, computers with lightning speed processing, and cell phones that take pictures.”

“You’re right,” says the old guy. “We didn’t have those things when we were young, so we invented them, you little twit!”

Blonde joke

1) A blonde goes into work one morning, crying. “What’s the matter?” asks her boss.

“Early this morning,” replies the blonde, “I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.”

The boss feels sorry for her. “Why don’t you just go home for the day?” he says.

The blonde shakes her head. “No, I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind occupied.”

The boss agrees, but tells her, “If you need anything, just let me know.”

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out through his office door and sees her sobbing hysterically. He rushes to her side and asks, “Are you going to be okay?”

“I can’t believe this!” cries the blonde. “I just got a call from my sister and she told me that her mom died, too!”

Another blonde joke

Two blondes go deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree. After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turns to the other and says, “I’m chopping down the next tree I see. I don’t care whether it’s decorated or not!”

Little kids and cowboys

I’m sorry that we’re very low on jokes featuring little kids and cowboys. I wish you joke providers would quit slacking off.