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Categorized | Voices and Views

Roger on Main St.

Coming to you LIVE!

The live video of BP’s gusher at the bottom of the Gulf is mesmerizing but fuzzy. A disaster expert on NPR this week said BP runs another camera down there with superior resolution. That video is for company viewing only. It allows, said the expert, a more accurate measurement of oil pouring into the water. It seems likely that BP is underestimating the magnitude of the disaster. (Such disasters are ALWAYS underestimated, no matter which corporation is involved, according to the expert.)

BP is responsible for the damage and BP will pay. Whether it will pay enough is open to question. Meanwhile, we can only pity the residents whose health and income depend on the clean waters of the Gulf. And we can only pity those who make their living through offshore drilling in the Gulf. They will suffer further with even a six-month moratorium.

There’s no satisfactory answer. What’s done is done. But, looking to the future, let’s all demand that the oil industry develop huge improvements in 1) preventive measures and 2) its ability to make fast repairs in case such a catastrophe ever happens again.

Truth will out

The small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly woman.

“Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” he asked.

“Why yes, I do, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’re a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife and you manipulate folks and talk about them behind their backs. Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”

She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy and bigoted and he has a drinking problem. His law practice is a joke. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, not to mention he cheated with three different women and one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”

The defense attorney turned a bright shade of red.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench, and, in a very quiet voice, he said, “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.”

Closing wisdom

1) Forbidden fruits create many jams.

2) Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

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