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New parking signs make room for southpaws

By Judy Reed

Besides being famous, what do Albert Einstein, Leonardo DaVinci, Michelangelo, Barack Obama, Billy Ray Cyrus, Bruce Willis, and Oprah Winfrey all have in common?

They are all left-handed. And despite the many famous people born with this affliction, the special needs of lefties have been sorely neglected through the ages.

Until now.

Last week the Cedar Springs Department of Public Works began installing special parking signs on spaces devoted strictly to left-handed drivers.

“It’s about time,” noted Larry “Lefty” Driver, of Willow Street. “There are special signs for visitors, customers, unexpected mothers, the handicapped, doctors, you name it. Do you have any idea how hard it is for a left-handed driver to find a place to park?” he asked.

The special treatment for southpaws comes at a price, however. Left-handed drivers will need to apply for a permit in order to park in one of the specially designated spots. The cost will be $100 per year to park in Rockford, and $300 per year to park anywhere in Kent County.

Lefty thinks the price is outrageous, but he’s willing to pay it. “It beats replacing my driver’s side window every couple of months,” he quipped. “I had stitches in my left elbow four times last year from busting it out when I cranked the steering wheel hard to get into a right-handed parking spot,” he explained.

“Righties” caught parking in one of the left-handed only spots will also pay a hefty fine. Not only will they pay a $500 penalty, but they will also be forced to put a bumper sticker on their car that says, “Lefties are my friends.”

If you’d like to apply for a permit, please call or stop in to City Hall. They will begin to issue permits on April 1, better known as April Fools Day.

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