People depend on steady jobs and regular paychecks to balance their budgets. Few households in this country haven’t had to pass up something because of the cost. Our federal and state budgets have the same problem. All those subsidies and grants were for good ideas, but the government doesn’t exactly have a steady job. The money the government gets depends on individuals earning and paying taxes. Business cycles will be with us forever. We have to adjust.

Even plainer

This country is a democratic Republic where everyone gets to vote for representatives who make the laws we live by. Often those seem designed to benefit the re-election of the politicians.

I think we have made those jobs too good if a congressman will spend millions to get re-elected. The idea should be to make the lives of citizens better, not give elected representatives more power.

From a parishioner:

Because our former small-town church wasn’t a wealthy one, our pastor depended on members for the maintenance of the church. Once he asked my husband, Sam, to rewire some of the church’s communication system. The only way to reach a portion of the wiring was to enter the attic above the altar and crawl over the ceiling by balancing on the rafters. Concerned for my husband’s safety, I waited in a pew. Some parishioners were congregating in the foyer. They paid little attention to me, probably assuming I was praying.

Worried about my husband, I looked up toward the ceiling and yelled, “Sam, Sam! Are you up there? Did you make it okay?”

There was quite an outburst from the foyer when Sam’s hearty voice echoed down, “Yes, I made it up here just fine!”

Hooked on phonics

From a teacher:

My six-year-old students are learning to read. Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, “Look at this! It’s a frickin’ elephant!”

I took a deep breath, then asked, “What did you call it?”

“It’s a frickin’ elephant!  It says so on the picture!”

And so it does…

“African Elephant”

Last words

The kids had all arrived in the high school sophomore English class, when in walks a very stern looking teacher and a hush falls over the room. The teacher silently pans his gaze across all the kids.

After a few moments, he speaks: “From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom. You cannot use them as you recite, or in any of your papers, tests, or homework. Using these words even once will get you a failing grade for that quarter. The first one is ‘gross.’ And the other one is ‘cool.’ Are there any questions?”

After a few moments of silence, a gawky kid at the back of the room raises his hand. In a pubescent croaking voice, he asks, “So… what are they?”