Don’t know why, but the political convention season always makes me think about Armageddon. And, speaking of that…
Time after time, various folks have predicted the end of the world. The Millennium was one of the biggies, prediction-wise. Oops…not even the world’s computer programs came to an end. (Remember all those so-called “millennium bugs”?) So far, every day has gone by with a tomorrow to follow.
The latest prediction I’ve personally heard about is for December 21, 2012. Give credit for this one to the ancient Mayans and some imaginative moderns.
It goes like this: Events of 2012 are based on the ending date of the ancient Mayan Long Count Calendar. This is thought to end on December 21, 2012, signaling, of course, the end of days for real. Predictions of devastation and destruction abound. Some believe it wise to prepare for doomsday.
Considering the record of past predictions, I suggest planning on a cup of coffee and a good TV rerun show on December 21. If we’re wrong, all of us will be in the same boat, anyway. In my opinion, it’s likely to be just another ho-hum.
Just to make sure we don’t get too bored, the Mayan calendar worked in another end-of-times possibility 25,000 years from now.
A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face.
“What the heck did you do that for?” yells the man.
“Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore do you?” answers the pharmacist.
The man says, “No, I don’t, you dummy… But my wife out in the car still does!”
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk’s hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.
“Guess what, sir?” said the clerk. “I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we’ve had so long!”
“Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?” asked the manager.
“That’s the one!”
“ Well, great!” said the manager. “I thought we’d never get rid of that monstrosity. It had to be the ugliest suit we’ve ever had. But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?”
“Oh,” the clerk replied, “after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye dog bit me.”
A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter the judge gave the panel: “An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse’s mate is found in a compromising position.”
During her interview, the jury candidate remarked, “During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband compromising with our next-door neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him.”
She wasn’t selected for the jury.