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Tag Archive | "main street"


Time travel

Samoa skipped last Friday entirely, and landed on the other side of the International Date Line.  They are only about 10 miles from it.  They wanted to be in sync with Australia and other populated areas closer to them.
On February 29, 1948, I was on a ship heading home from Korea. It was leap year, so we had an extra day. That night we crossed the date line and it was February 29 all over again. So, 30 days hath February. My first and only.

Out of tune

Submitted by a correspondent:
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently a funeral director asked me to play at the graveside service for a homeless man with no family. It was to be held at a paupers’ cemetery way out in the country. Not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.
An hour late, I finally arrived and saw that evidently the funeral guy had gone. The hearse was nowhere in sight. Only the diggers and crew were left, and they were eating lunch.
I felt bad and called out an apology to the men for being late. I walked over to the graveside, looked down, and saw the vault lid already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches. I played heart and soul for that man with no family or friends. As I played “Amazing Grace,” the workers started to weep. In fact, we all wept together. Finally I packed up my bagpipes and headed for my car with a full heart.
As I opened the car door, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothing like that before, and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Sweet stop

Another reader contribution:
Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in California, I was stopped in Kansas by a state trooper for exceeding the speed limit. Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandma’s delicious chocolate chip cookies and proceeded on my way.
Later, I was stopped by another trooper. “What have I done?” I asked.
“Nothing,” the trooper said.  “I heard you were passing out great chocolate chip cookies.”

 

On the move

A young man was a slow worker and found it hard to hold down a job. On one of his visits to the employment office, he was offered work at the local zoo. When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his reputation, told him to take care of the tortoise section.
Later in the day the keeper dropped by to see how the young man was doing. He found him standing by an empty enclosure with the gate open.
“Where are the tortoises?” he asked.
“I can’t believe it,” said the new employee. “I just opened the door and whooooosh, they were gone!”

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Happy New Year!
I intend that to mean for the whole year, not just January 1. May 2012 be a year of blessings for all of us.
Our first day of the year is related to the Gregorian calendar, named after Pope Gregory. If you don’t like this one, the Julian calendar places New Year’s Day on Jan. 14. Throughout the world, people observe other dates, mostly related to religion. Pope Gregory picked this date based on Jesus’ birth on Dec. 25 and baptism on Jan. 1. It could get complicated.
I think Adam and Eve celebrated because they saw the days getting longer and the sun coming back.

Antique story
A little boy opened the big family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages, one after another. As he turned them, something fell out. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old tree leaf that had been pressed between the pages.
“Mom, look what I found!” he called out.
“What do you have there, dear?” his mother asked. With excitement the boy exclaimed, “It’s Adam’s suit!”

Church story
Six-year old Angie and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally his big sister had had enough and gave him the elbow. “You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church!”
“Why? Who’s going to stop me?’ Joel answered.
Angie pointed to the back of the church. “See those two men standing by the door? They’re hushers!”

Sew-sew story
A pretty girl stepped up to the fabric counter and said, “I’d like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?”
“Only one kiss per yard,” replied the young male clerk.
“Fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.”
Smirking, the clerk measured out the cloth and wrapped it. Then he held it out teasingly.
The girl smiled, took the package, pointed to a little old man standing beside her, and said, “Grandpa, pay the man.”

Deer Tick Warning
I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, but this one is real, and it’s important. So, please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list:
If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, Do not do it! It is a scam. They only want to see you naked.
I wish I’d gotten this information yesterday. I feel so stupid now.

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Christmas tree ready to light


There’s a nip in the air, the Christmas decorations line Main Street, and a beautiful Christmas tree sits on the vacant lot at Main and Ash Streets. It can mean only one thing—the annual Christmas tree lighting in Cedar Springs is not far away!
The Grindles kindly donated this year’s tree in memory of Gerald James Grindle (Curly), who lived from 1962 to March 2011. We hope they get enjoyment from the faces of all the residents, old and young, who attend the annual Christmas tree lighting on December 2!
The event is led this year by Cedar Springs Area Parks and Rec Director Amanda Gerhardt, Pastor Craig Owens, pastor at Calvary Assembly of God. There will be a living nativity beginning at 5 p.m. with actors and animals. They will be joined by actors from the upcoming play “A Christmas Carol,” who will sing Christmas carols. The tree lighting will be at 6 p.m. when Santa arrives.
The details are still coming in, so watch next week’s Post for details on what else might be happening that evening!

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Main Street


Roger on Main StreetMad

Even some of those who voted “Snyder” last November now seem to be mad at the Governor. Personally, I think all the gnashing and growling and demonstrating just lets off steam, and I doubt 1.5 million people will petition to recall him. High-level elected officials aren’t often recalled. Some constituents remain supportive no matter what happens, and the masses are indifferent.

More mad

“The Donald” must be a bit mad (British term for crazy) to make such a fuss over the President’s birth certificate. It didn’t reflect well on Trump. Hawaii has now released to the public the long form birth certificate, despite the state’s official policy of not doing that.
Was there ever really any doubt about where President Obama was born? At least two Honolulu newspapers ran birth announcements at the time: “A son to Mr. and Mrs. Barack Obama….” Even the name of the hospital appeared. That’s hard to explain, unless, of course, the President was indeed born in Hawaii on August 4, 1961, just as his birth certificate said all along.
Is Donald Trump serious about running for President? If so, should we insist on a copy of his IQ test?

Fish story

Marine biology researchers have developed a new method to fend off shark attacks: If you’re diving and are approached by a shark, they recommend that you swim towards it aggressively and punch it on the nose as hard as possible. And, “If this doesn’t work, beat the shark in the face with your stump.”

Fish story #2

A couple of boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when the game warden jumped out of the bushes. One of the boys threw down his rod and started running through the woods, the game warden hot on his heels.
After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath. The game warden caught up to him. “Let’s see yer fishin’ license, boy!” he said.
The boy pulled out his wallet and handed the warden a valid fishing license.
“Well, son,” said the warden, “you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks. You don’t have to run from me if you have a license.”
“Yes, sir,” said the boy, “but my friend back there? He never bothered to buy one.”

Blonde joke #1283

A blonde man went to his boss’s costume party unclothed but with a woman on his back.
“What on earth are you supposed to be?” asked the boss.
“I’m a snail,” the man replied.
“What a bunch of nonsense,” said the boss. “How can you be a snail when all you have is that woman on your back?”
“This is no nonsense,” the man replied. “That’s Michelle.”

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Roger on Main StreetReal housewives

I’ve been wanting to write a TV show.  I think “Real Housewives of Newaygo County” might be the right title.  I  hope Hollywood doesn’t get there first.

George Washington

The conflict in Libya reminds me a bit of the American Revolution.  A rag-tag bunch of dissidents is up against the established government and military.  It’s much like the Colonies against Great Britain.  What they really need right now is Washington to lead the troops.  And the French Fleet!

Jig saw

Maybe Libya will end up split into two countries.  A lot of that going around.  We have North and South Korea; North and South Viet Nam; A dozen little countries in Africa.  The Soviet Union scattered.  We had Ireland and Great Britain.   And even the United States and Canada.  I wonder if China will ever split up?

Adult supervision

Sam: Dad, would you do my math homework for me?
Dad: No, son, it wouldn’t be right.
Sam: Well, at least you could try.

Vocabulary

A mother carefully explained to her young daughter how children were created. She used the expression “carrying a child” instead of “pregnant,” but the girl seemed satisfied.
Sometime later, a terrible fire broke out in the neighborhood, and the girl stood by watching. Here is how she described the scene to her parents: “There was this big fire, and a fireman ran into the house, and when he came out, he was pregnant.”

Grand Theft Auto

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into.  She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!” she cries.
The 911 dispatcher says, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes.”
Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher’s telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again.
“Never mind,” giggles the blonde, “I got in the back seat by mistake.”

Last words

Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. Then Chad said, “I’ve made one great discovery. I know how to always have the last word.”
“Wow!’ said Sherman, “How did you manage that?”
“It’s easy,” replied Chad. “My last word is always ‘Yes, Dear.’”

Tough day

A businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted.
His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. “My, you look tired,” she said. “You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?”
“It was terrible,” her husband said. “The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking.”

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Main Street


Roger on Main StreetGoverning

I see the Legislature has gotten rid of the law that all products on the shelf must have a price label.  I look at those all the time and now they will be gone.  I suspect prices will go up!
I also see that the law makes it impossible for us to have a Referendum on the issue. If we don’t like the law, too bad.

Letter to God

I noticed that my dog had written some letters to God on my computer.
“Dear God, is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?
“Dear God, when we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch?  Or is it the same old story?
“Dear God, are there mailmen in Heaven?  If there are, will I have to apologize?
“Dear God, Let me give you a list of things I must remember to be a good dog:
I will not eat the cat’s food before they eat it or after they throw it up. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.  I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like their smell.  Sticking my nose into some ones crotch is not an acceptable way of saying ‘Hello.’ The cat is not a ‘squeaky’ toy so when I play with it and it makes that noise; it’s usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God, when I get to Heaven may I have all of my forgotten buried bones back?”
The dog’s e-mail came back with this message: “God does not accept e-mail, only prayers.”

In charge

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.
The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, “From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you’re going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I’m finished with my bath, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”
“The funeral director,” said his wife.

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Main Street celebrates grand opening


The Main Street Restaurant, 151 S. Main Street in Cedar Springs, celebrated their grand opening on Monday, March 21 with entrée specials, ice cream and cake, balloons and all kinds of goodies for customers.

Owners Ron and Arlene Seabolt first opened their restaurant on Post Drive under the name Lickity Split in 2006, and opened the restaurant in its new location earlier this year.  “We’ve gotten 2-1/2 times the business we got at the old location,” noted Ron. “It’s a true welcome to Cedar, it’s been amazing. It’s a gift from God.”

The Seabolts are long-time residents in the area. Ron grew up and graduated from Cedar Springs High School, and Arlene graduated from Rockford. The couple’s three children are also Cedar Springs graduates.

The inside of the new restaurant has a warm, welcoming décor, and includes a beautiful red hawk sculpture created by local metal sculptor Steve Anderson. Arlene said they could not have gotten the inside ready without the help of her brother, Jerry Taylor, father-in-law Jerry Miller, and another friend. “I’m extremely grateful to them,” she said.

The restaurant has an extensive menu of delicious sandwiches, soups, salads, entrees and desserts. The homemade cinnamon rolls are a big hit with customers, and they also have a large variety of ice cream to choose from.

The restaurant gave away prizes every hour Monday, and at the end of the day raffled off two 19-inch flat screen TVs that were won by Bob Johnson and Dan Darling, and a mountain bike that was won by Mayor Charlie Watson. Flora Kosten won free ice cream for a year. Proceeds from the raffle will be given to Cedar Springs Public Schools. To see a complete list of Monday’s winners, check out Main Street’s ad in next week’s Cedar Springs Post!

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Old postcard shows Main Street


By Judy Reed

When cleaning out his great-grandmother’s house after her death, Keith Coalter, of Nelson Township, said they came up with an interesting find—a postcard sent to her with an old-time picture of Cedar Springs on the front.

His great-grandmother, Mrs. Herman (Pauline) W. Grey, was from this area, but living in Grand Rapids at the time the postcard was mailed to her from someone named “Wanda.” It was postmarked Greenville, with a date of October 28, 1950, and carried a one-cent George Washington stamp. “Wanda” was thanking Mrs. Grey for telling her about the death of a mutual friend.

The postcard photo appears to be a picture of Main Street in the early 1900s. Off to the left there is a couple with the woman wearing a long dress, and one of the early cars is parked on the left side of the street.

Craig Cole brought in the same postcard as part of a collection. His postcard was not hand-colored, however, but a sepia-toned card. The message was signed by someone named “Sam,” and addressed to his parents, J.H. Echelberger, in Tustin, Michigan, announcing that they had a new boy, born at 5 a.m. May 23. It was postmarked Cedar Springs, and the year looks to be about 1915. The last number is illegible.

If you have an old photo you’d like to send us, email it to news@cedarspringspost.com, or drop it off in our office at 36 E. Maple St.

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Main Street


Roger on Main StreetGood news, bad news

Uprisings in the Middle East have driven almost everything else off the screen. Egyptians were over the moon when they got rid of Hosni Mubarak as their leader. He had led them into poverty and hopelessness. Mubarak’s gone, and that’s good news. Now, however, the power and money are up for grabs. Dozens of factions, some of them bad news crooks, are bound to try to control the Egyptian government.

We can expect much of the same in Libya if protesters drive out the despotic and weird Muammar Gaddafi. (Weird? He’s afraid to fly over water, feels safe only on the ground floor, and kept his blonde Ukrainian nurse close by until she recently abandoned Libya for the Ukraine.) Gaddafi has left no government in place, just his own will. What happens next could be good news or bad news for the Libyan people. Fingers crossed.

Meanwhile, in Madison…

The battle goes on. Unions versus the deficit? It seems pretty clear that more than Wisconsin’s deficit motivates Governor Walker. Denying collective bargaining to unions will weaken them. Members of labor unions tend to vote for Democrats. I’m old-fashioned, I guess, but here’s what I think: A governor’s job is to administer affairs to benefit the citizens, not to provide votes for his or her own political party.

Sad day

A woman awakens during the night and her husband isn’t in their bed. She goes downstairs. He’s sitting at the kitchen table, just staring at the wall, with a cup of coffee in front of him. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye.

“What’s the matter, dear?” she asks.

The husband looks at her sadly. “Do you remember years ago when you were 16 and we were dating?”

“Yes, I do,” she replies.

The husband pauses. The words weren’t coming easily.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”

“Yes, I remember,” says the wife, taking the chair beside him and covering his hand with hers.

“Do you remember,”continued the husband, “when your dad shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter or I’ll send you to jail for twenty years?’”
“I remember that, too,” she replies softly.

The husband wipes another tear from his cheek and says, “I would have gotten out today.”

Miscellaneous

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. (Groucho Marx)

Did I ever tell you about the student who began his Middle Ages story with: “He was a dark and stormy knight…”?

In a survey several years ago, all incoming freshman at MIT were asked if they expected to graduate in the top half of their class. Ninety-seven percent responded that they did.
Which reminds me – you realize, don’t you, that half the people you’ll ever meet in your life are below average?

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Main Street


Roger on Main StreetUpgrade

Recently I had the pleasure of an hour spent in the hope of finding my replacement when I retire from writing this column. The process involved a lot of give and take about ideas for the column and how I come up with them.
It’s not an easy job finding someone who can spread a little humor in the world. Checking out writers is serious business, even though the writing topic may not be especially serious. I may have some prospects.
I’m referring to the 30 kids in Conrad Klima’s fourth grade class at Roguewood Elementary. Mr. Klima is teaching them about writing. I talked to all of them. It would please me if one of them had his or her name at the top of this column someday. It may take a few years, but “be prepared” is a good plan for all of us.

Amazing #1

It’s wonderful to actually see improvement in the human condition, even though the quality of life varies by geography.  In developed countries, at least, our world has escaped from the hard, slow, messy dependence on literal horsepower. I’m old enough to remember the remnants of it. (Watch where you step!) As we move to electric cars powered by renewable sources, it seems amazing that all this happened in just about one century.

Amazing #2

After years of hard work, an ambitious yuppie books himself on a Caribbean cruise. He has the time of his life until the boat sinks and he ends up on an island. After a month of barely surviving on coconuts, the man looks out to sea and sees a gorgeous woman rowing to shore. He asks her where she’s come from.
“I was shipwrecked last year,” she says. “I’ve been stranded around on the other side of the island.”
“Where did you get the rowboat?”
“I made it out of gum trees and palm branches,” she replies.
“But you had no tools!”
“I used volcanic rocks to whittle the wood and eucalyptus jelly as glue.”
The woman takes the man to the other side of the island and leads him into an elaborate bungalow with ceiling fans and furniture she made out of vines. The man can’t believe his eyes. They sit down, and she smiles at him. “Now, tell me,” she says, looking into his eyes. “Is there something you’ve been thinking about while you’ve been alone?”
“Do you mean…” he whispers, “…
I can check my e-mail from here?!”

Not a blonde joke

Michelle, a regular contributor, sends this one:
A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer, and says to the bartender, “Hey, I got this great Polish joke…”
The barkeep glares at him and says in a warning tone of voice, “Before you go telling that joke, you better know that I’m Polish, both bouncers are Polish, and so are most of my customers.”
“Okay,” says the customer, “I’ll tell it very slowly.”

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