Governing

I see the Legislature has gotten rid of the law that all products on the shelf must have a price label.  I look at those all the time and now they will be gone.  I suspect prices will go up!
I also see that the law makes it impossible for us to have a Referendum on the issue. If we don’t like the law, too bad.

Letter to God

I noticed that my dog had written some letters to God on my computer.
“Dear God, is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?
“Dear God, when we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch?  Or is it the same old story?
“Dear God, are there mailmen in Heaven?  If there are, will I have to apologize?
“Dear God, Let me give you a list of things I must remember to be a good dog:
I will not eat the cat’s food before they eat it or after they throw it up. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.  I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like their smell.  Sticking my nose into some ones crotch is not an acceptable way of saying ‘Hello.’ The cat is not a ‘squeaky’ toy so when I play with it and it makes that noise; it’s usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God, when I get to Heaven may I have all of my forgotten buried bones back?”
The dog’s e-mail came back with this message: “God does not accept e-mail, only prayers.”

In charge

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.
The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, “From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you’re going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I’m finished with my bath, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”
“The funeral director,” said his wife.

The Main Street Restaurant, 151 S. Main Street in Cedar Springs, celebrated their grand opening on Monday, March 21 with entrée specials, ice cream and cake, balloons and all kinds of goodies for customers.

Owners Ron and Arlene Seabolt first opened their restaurant on Post Drive under the name Lickity Split in 2006, and opened the restaurant in its new location earlier this year.  “We’ve gotten 2-1/2 times the business we got at the old location,” noted Ron. “It’s a true welcome to Cedar, it’s been amazing. It’s a gift from God.”

The Seabolts are long-time residents in the area. Ron grew up and graduated from Cedar Springs High School, and Arlene graduated from Rockford. The couple’s three children are also Cedar Springs graduates.

The inside of the new restaurant has a warm, welcoming décor, and includes a beautiful red hawk sculpture created by local metal sculptor Steve Anderson. Arlene said they could not have gotten the inside ready without the help of her brother, Jerry Taylor, father-in-law Jerry Miller, and another friend. “I’m extremely grateful to them,” she said.

The restaurant has an extensive menu of delicious sandwiches, soups, salads, entrees and desserts. The homemade cinnamon rolls are a big hit with customers, and they also have a large variety of ice cream to choose from.

The restaurant gave away prizes every hour Monday, and at the end of the day raffled off two 19-inch flat screen TVs that were won by Bob Johnson and Dan Darling, and a mountain bike that was won by Mayor Charlie Watson. Flora Kosten won free ice cream for a year. Proceeds from the raffle will be given to Cedar Springs Public Schools. To see a complete list of Monday’s winners, check out Main Street’s ad in next week’s Cedar Springs Post!

By Judy Reed

When cleaning out his great-grandmother’s house after her death, Keith Coalter, of Nelson Township, said they came up with an interesting find—a postcard sent to her with an old-time picture of Cedar Springs on the front.

His great-grandmother, Mrs. Herman (Pauline) W. Grey, was from this area, but living in Grand Rapids at the time the postcard was mailed to her from someone named “Wanda.” It was postmarked Greenville, with a date of October 28, 1950, and carried a one-cent George Washington stamp. “Wanda” was thanking Mrs. Grey for telling her about the death of a mutual friend.

The postcard photo appears to be a picture of Main Street in the early 1900s. Off to the left there is a couple with the woman wearing a long dress, and one of the early cars is parked on the left side of the street.

Craig Cole brought in the same postcard as part of a collection. His postcard was not hand-colored, however, but a sepia-toned card. The message was signed by someone named “Sam,” and addressed to his parents, J.H. Echelberger, in Tustin, Michigan, announcing that they had a new boy, born at 5 a.m. May 23. It was postmarked Cedar Springs, and the year looks to be about 1915. The last number is illegible.

If you have an old photo you’d like to send us, email it to news@cedarspringspost.com, or drop it off in our office at 36 E. Maple St.

Good news, bad news

Uprisings in the Middle East have driven almost everything else off the screen. Egyptians were over the moon when they got rid of Hosni Mubarak as their leader. He had led them into poverty and hopelessness. Mubarak’s gone, and that’s good news. Now, however, the power and money are up for grabs. Dozens of factions, some of them bad news crooks, are bound to try to control the Egyptian government.

We can expect much of the same in Libya if protesters drive out the despotic and weird Muammar Gaddafi. (Weird? He’s afraid to fly over water, feels safe only on the ground floor, and kept his blonde Ukrainian nurse close by until she recently abandoned Libya for the Ukraine.) Gaddafi has left no government in place, just his own will. What happens next could be good news or bad news for the Libyan people. Fingers crossed.

Meanwhile, in Madison…

The battle goes on. Unions versus the deficit? It seems pretty clear that more than Wisconsin’s deficit motivates Governor Walker. Denying collective bargaining to unions will weaken them. Members of labor unions tend to vote for Democrats. I’m old-fashioned, I guess, but here’s what I think: A governor’s job is to administer affairs to benefit the citizens, not to provide votes for his or her own political party.

Sad day

A woman awakens during the night and her husband isn’t in their bed. She goes downstairs. He’s sitting at the kitchen table, just staring at the wall, with a cup of coffee in front of him. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye.

“What’s the matter, dear?” she asks.

The husband looks at her sadly. “Do you remember years ago when you were 16 and we were dating?”

“Yes, I do,” she replies.

The husband pauses. The words weren’t coming easily.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”

“Yes, I remember,” says the wife, taking the chair beside him and covering his hand with hers.

“Do you remember,”continued the husband, “when your dad shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter or I’ll send you to jail for twenty years?’”
“I remember that, too,” she replies softly.

The husband wipes another tear from his cheek and says, “I would have gotten out today.”

Miscellaneous

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. (Groucho Marx)

Did I ever tell you about the student who began his Middle Ages story with: “He was a dark and stormy knight…”?

In a survey several years ago, all incoming freshman at MIT were asked if they expected to graduate in the top half of their class. Ninety-seven percent responded that they did.
Which reminds me – you realize, don’t you, that half the people you’ll ever meet in your life are below average?

Upgrade

Recently I had the pleasure of an hour spent in the hope of finding my replacement when I retire from writing this column. The process involved a lot of give and take about ideas for the column and how I come up with them.
It’s not an easy job finding someone who can spread a little humor in the world. Checking out writers is serious business, even though the writing topic may not be especially serious. I may have some prospects.
I’m referring to the 30 kids in Conrad Klima’s fourth grade class at Roguewood Elementary. Mr. Klima is teaching them about writing. I talked to all of them. It would please me if one of them had his or her name at the top of this column someday. It may take a few years, but “be prepared” is a good plan for all of us.

Amazing #1

It’s wonderful to actually see improvement in the human condition, even though the quality of life varies by geography.  In developed countries, at least, our world has escaped from the hard, slow, messy dependence on literal horsepower. I’m old enough to remember the remnants of it. (Watch where you step!) As we move to electric cars powered by renewable sources, it seems amazing that all this happened in just about one century.

Amazing #2

After years of hard work, an ambitious yuppie books himself on a Caribbean cruise. He has the time of his life until the boat sinks and he ends up on an island. After a month of barely surviving on coconuts, the man looks out to sea and sees a gorgeous woman rowing to shore. He asks her where she’s come from.
“I was shipwrecked last year,” she says. “I’ve been stranded around on the other side of the island.”
“Where did you get the rowboat?”
“I made it out of gum trees and palm branches,” she replies.
“But you had no tools!”
“I used volcanic rocks to whittle the wood and eucalyptus jelly as glue.”
The woman takes the man to the other side of the island and leads him into an elaborate bungalow with ceiling fans and furniture she made out of vines. The man can’t believe his eyes. They sit down, and she smiles at him. “Now, tell me,” she says, looking into his eyes. “Is there something you’ve been thinking about while you’ve been alone?”
“Do you mean…” he whispers, “…
I can check my e-mail from here?!”

Not a blonde joke

Michelle, a regular contributor, sends this one:
A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer, and says to the bartender, “Hey, I got this great Polish joke…”
The barkeep glares at him and says in a warning tone of voice, “Before you go telling that joke, you better know that I’m Polish, both bouncers are Polish, and so are most of my customers.”
“Okay,” says the customer, “I’ll tell it very slowly.”

The bright side

Lately I’ve made an effort to look and listen for good news. For example, weather forecasts are a lot better than they used to be. Nowadays the weather people not only tell us that it’s going to snow, but what time it will start. (Check this out for yourself; they’re usually right.)
The President’s speech at the memorial service in Tucson drew praise from both sides of the political divide. Although the occasion was sad, the President’s remarks may have been a step toward healing.
Medical news is getting better, too. A vaccine exists for shingles. It saves countless episodes of pain for thousands of people. Flu vaccines target most of the common strains, and this year the vaccine formulation also works against H1N1. And in Tucson, Congresswoman Giffords, shot through the brain, may actually recover. Credit goes to quick and expert medical care and her own fortitude. Sunday night her condition was upgraded from “critical” to “serious.”
That old saying, “Watch the donut, not the hole,” can add a little cheerfulness to the news.

Lost in space

A plane was on its way to Chicago when a blonde in economy class got up and moved to the first class section. The flight attendant asked to see her ticket, then told her that since she paid only for economy class, she would have to sit there.
The blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, and I’m going to Chicago. I’ll stay right here.”
The attendant spoke to the pilot’s cabin: “A woman from economy is sitting in first class and won’t move.”
The co-pilot came back to explain that she’d have to return to the seat she paid for. “Nope,” said the girl. “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chicago and I’m staying right here.”
The co-pilot advised the pilot that he should have the police waiting when they landed to arrest the blonde woman who refused to follow the rules.
“You say she’s a blonde?” said the pilot. “I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde and I speak their language.”
Back in the first class cabin, he whispered something in the girl’s ear. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she said, and walked back to her seat in economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot were amazed. “What did you say?” they asked.
“As I said, I speak ‘blonde,’” said the pilot. “I simply told her, ‘First Class isn’t going to Chicago.’”

2011 going on 2012

You know you’re well into the twenty-first century when:
1. You’ve just tried to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
3. You call your son’s beeper to let him know it’s time to eat. He emails you back from his bedroom: “What’s for dinner?”
4. Your daughter sells Girl Scout cookies via her web site.
5. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home