Three questions for healthier relationships
Philippians 2:3-4: “Do nothing to of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.”
Relationships are a struggle. Don’t get me wrong; when they are good, they are great! But when they are bad, it seems to affect every area of our lives. We have all had relationships that we struggled in, and the odds are that if you have been in a relationship for any length of time you have experienced the good and the bad. My desire in my relationships is to experience more of the good and less of the bad. Philippians chapter 2 verses 3 and 4 provide three questions that I believe will change our relationships for the good if we would ask them of ourselves when things are getting tough.
1. “What is my motive?”
Whether we like to admit it or not, many times in relationships we have agendas, and those agendas are usually self-serving. Most relational struggles come when I am driven in a relationship by selfish ambition or vain conceit. In other words, when I am only concerned about myself and furthering my desires. My motive in a relationship should be mutual encouragement and benefit and my selfishness tends to ruin that. Checking my motive helps me to get rid of my selfishness and realign my relationships to a place of mutual benefit.
2. What is their value?
Often times when my relationships are struggling, it’s because I am looking at the other person as someone who is less valuable than I am. I feel that it is their job to serve me because I am the one who is important. When I stop and think about their value in God’s eyes it helps me to maintain the proper perspective. The reality is that the other person you are in a relationship with is made in the image of God, has infinite value and worth to Him, and He proved it by allowing His Son to die on the cross for them. They are important to God, and they should be important to you.
3. What is my focus?
This one’s simple—am I thinking more about myself and my desires, or am I putting the other person’s needs and desires first? Most relationships struggle because one or both parties are only thinking about themselves. God wants us to put others before ourselves. After all, that’s what He did in order to purchase our redemption, and that is what He has called us to do as we live out His mission on this earth.
If you ask yourself these 3 questions when it comes to your relationships with your spouse, your kids, your parents, and even your friends, I guarantee it will promote healthier relationships in your life. May each of us have the same mindset as Christ Jesus as we walk in relationship with others.
Pastor Kevin Reed
Grace Evangelical Free Church
4714 13 Mile Rd, Rockford