North Korea, Syria and Iran represent a few more wars our country could stay out of.

If you’re in favor of war, skip down to the jokes.

My own low approval of war comes from a long life that goes back so far that for most people it’s only “history.” My military service was spent in Korea in 1946-1948, the handful of years between World War II and the full-blown Korean War.

None of America’s wars occurred on our soil in living memory. For that we should be thankful. But maybe it has made us, as a nation, more accepting of our going to war.

On the bright side, although America has many religions and sects, we seem to get along. That is a real blessing. Other countries have internal religious wars in which America should think long and hard before getting involved. Maybe we’re all agreed on that.

What I’m trying to say about war can be summed up in two words: Be skeptical.

Religious viewpoint

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her six- and seven-year- olds.

After explaining the commandment to “honor” their fathers and mothers, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat, one boy, the eldest child in his family, answered, “Thou shalt not kill.”

Perfect viewpoint

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding to her friends on her idea of the perfect mate: “It’s very important that the man I marry be musical with a decent singing voice. I consider a sense of humor to be essential, as well as knowing how to tell jokes. In other words, the man I marry has to be a shining light among company. But he also must be the kind who will stay home with me at night.”

A male listener at a nearby table overheard and spoke up: “Lady, what you really want is a television set!”

A blonde went to her doctor and showed him that both her ears were red and painful. The doctor asked her what had happened. “I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang,” she told him, “but, instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally grabbed the iron and stuck it up to my ear.”

“Oh, dear!” said the doctor in sympathy. ”But what happened to your other ear?”

“The jerk called back!”

Artistic viewpoint

After his divorce, Joe asked his best friend, Hank, to fix him up with a blind date. Hank obliged. The next day Joe phoned Hank and shouted angrily, “What kind of guy do you think I am? That girl you fixed me up with was cross-eyed. She was almost bald. Her nose was long and crooked. She had hair growing on her face. She was flat-chested and her ankles were as thick as her thighs.”

“Well,” answered Hank, “either you like Picasso, or you don’t like Picasso.”

Dear Editor,

The Grand Rapids Press, Thursday, April 12, on page A6, in an article about a Cinco de Mayo event, states the Grand Rapids Downtown Development Authority is allowing designated streets to be blocked off, and also the Downtown Development Authority approved $7,000 in assistance.

I wonder if the Cedar Springs Downtown Development Authority might provide assistance to help finance Red Flannel expenses?

Very truly yours,

Lyle Perry Jr.

Dear Mayor Charlie Watson & City Council,

I attended the budget workshop on Saturday, at which you reviewed your budget for the upcoming fiscal year. It’s no secret that times are tight economically, and so tough decisions regarding the City’s budget have to be made. Throughout the meeting I heard words like “depressing” and “discouraging” several times. But I would like to offer a different take. I see four great things about the current budget situation in Cedar Springs:

1. It’s an opportunity to learn new ways of doing old things. I think this poem from Robert Browning Hamilton says it best:

I walked a mile with Pleasure –

She chattered all the way

But left me none the wiser

For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow

And ne’er a word said she,

But, oh, the things I learned from her

When Sorrow walked with me.

There are some things we learn in difficult times that we simply wouldn’t learn at any other time.

2. You have the opportunity to involve new partners. Just like the B2B group stepped in to help run the Spooktacular, and Calvary Assembly of God and the Community Action Network organized the Mingle With Kris Kringle event, and business partners jumped into to help with the Red Flannel Festival, I know others will step in to help as well. We are a community of citizens that love Cedar Springs, so we are willing to help, if you will give us the chance.

3.  You can increase community awareness. As many of you remarked, there were more concerned citizens at this year’s budget workshop than in previous years. When times are tough, it gets our attention. We want to know what you are doing, and our involvement now will probably translate into our continued involvement when Cedar Springs comes out of this economic downturn.

4. You are building our trust. It’s been said that trust is built on difficult ground. Anyone can make smart decisions when times are good and the City coffers are abundantly filled. But as you are making wise decisions during these tough times, you are building our trust in your fiscal responsibilities.

We’re all in this together. We elected you to help lead us through good times and bad times. So we’re behind you. We will come out of this time stronger, more unified, and more committed to making Cedar Springs the best place to live and work in West Michigan!

Sincerely Yours,

Craig T. Owens

Watch out for weather

Weather is always on our mind. Cold winters, hot summers, storms. The really bad ones are rare, but we have had tornadoes, windstorms, floods and ice storms.

On the national level we are recovering from the recession and changes due to the global economy.

The moral; We live in a moderate climate, and compared to some parts of the world, we live pretty well. Enjoy life. It’s all we have.

Speedy

A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. “Is it true,” he asked, “that an alligator won’t attack you if you carry a flashlight?”

“That depends,” replied the guide, “on how fast you carry the flashlight.”

Cozy

An old woman says to her friend: “You know, last night I was shivering all over from cold.”

Her friend: “Do you remember if your teeth chattered?”

The old woman: “I don’t think so. We haven’t slept together for ages.

Access

There were two buddies—one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, “Let’s go and get something to eat.”

The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.”   The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “Just follow my lead.” They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.

The bouncer at the door says, “Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.”

The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”

The bouncer says, “A Doberman Pinscher?” He says, “Yes, they’re using them now.”

The man at the door says, “Come on in.”

The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, “What the heck,” so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.

Once again the bouncer says, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.”

The guy with the Chihuahua says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.” The bouncer at the door says, “A Chihuahua?”

The man with the Chihuahua says, “A Chihuahua??? They gave me a Chihuahua?!”

Primary

John received a free ticket to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately, John’s seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He notices an empty seat 10 rows up from the 50-yard line. He decides to make his way to the empty seat. As he sits down he asks the man next to him if anyone is sitting there. The man told him no, it was empty. John is very excited to have a seat like this at a Super Bowl and asks why in the world no one is using it? The man replied that it was his wife’s seat but she passed away. He said this was the first Super Bowl that they have not attended together since they were married. John said that it was really sad and asked if he couldn’t find someone, a relative or a close friend to take the seat?

“No” replied the man. “They’re at her funeral!”

Annual Humor Banquet

As you all know, or should, the Squire’s annual Humor Banquet has come and gone. You weren’t there. Shame on you.

The Squire always holds its humor banquet at noon the Saturday before April Fools Day. Location: the sidewalk of The Corner Bar at Main and Courtland in Rockford. The rules: bring jokes to share and buy your own hotdog.

Okay, so I wasn’t at this year’s banquet, either, but I have a good excuse (don’t know about YOU).

Loaded with jokes, I stepped into the garage at 11:00. My car’s flat tire made me grab the bike. However, before even getting to the corner, I hit the neighborhood porcupine. The porcupine gave me a dirty look and waddled off, leaving me with two flat bike tires.

So: back to the house, on foot, wheeling the bike; called the flat tire fixer guys.

I was standing in the driveway next to their truck when a passing skate-boarder clipped me in the ankle. I suffered only a damaged sock but the skateboarder lost his balance and landed smack on that same accident-prone porcupine.

While I cussed out the porcupine and chased him up his tree, the flat tire guys called an ambulance for the skateboarder, who was unreasonably frantic about some quills sticking out of his backside.

While waiting for the ambulance, the skateboarder called his lawyer. The lawyer arrived while I was still in the tree pursuing the porcupine. I saw him taking notes about the tree and the porcupine being on my property. The ambulance arrived and took away the skateboarder.

Still determined to make it to the Humor Banquet on time, I headed off in a sprint down the street toward The Corner Bar. When I stepped on the left-behind skateboard, I knew it was a lost cause.

My next-door neighbor, Ken Platt, bandaged my injured hand while I tried to ignore the mean-spirited snorts and chortles of the porcupine up there in the tree.

It was disappointing to miss my most fun event the year. I attach a few jokes I tried to bring with me to the banquet:

Historical note

A busload of tourists arrives at Runnymede. They gather around the guide, who says, “This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta.”

“When did that happen?” asks a fellow at the front of the crowd.

The man looks at his watch and says, “Darn! Just missed it by a half hour!”

Kitchen note

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from sports to cooking.

“I got a cookbook once,” said the first, “but I could never do anything with it.”

“Too much fancy cooking in it, huh?” asked the second.

“You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way: Take a clean dish and….”

Procrastinator’s note

I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

Dear Post,

I’ve hunted morel mushrooms all my life—at least as long as I could walk. I am 62 and have never found them in March, until now! Not too sure how this will affect the late ones. If we don’t have a killing frost, as all the farmers are not wanting, this could be a year for the record!

To change the subject, the old Union School bell sits outside of Hilltop. Why not move it to Red Hawk Field and let it ring again! Very few people even know it’s there. We are proud of our school and teams, let’s let history ring.

Doug Gordon, Cedar Springs

*The Red Flannel Festival incorporated in 1978. It has been an independent, non-profit corporation for 34 years.

*The Red Flannel Festival Corporation and the City of Cedar Springs are two completely separate entities.

*The Red Flannel Festival first trademarked its logos in the 1970s. The Festival holds state trademarks on 10 different phrases and logos. There is also Federal protection on a main, generic logo.

*The Festival Board has a duty to protect its logo/trademark from infringement of state and federal law from any entity, as it would with any other Festival asset.

*The Festival and City Ad Hoc Committees met for the first time on Jan. 23, 2012 to discuss the Festival’s trademark and continue to work positively and collaboratively together toward an agreement that will benefit both parties. We consider these negotiations in the very beginning stages, and no final decisions have been made.

*Taxpayers of Cedar Springs have paid $5,400 (as per City budget line item) for Festival services for 71 years.

*In May 2011, Festival paid City $5,224.65 for the 2011 Festival. City Council accepted an agreement that is valid until 2015 for a “not to exceed” amount of $8,000.

*The Festival received a final bill after the 2011 Festival for $8,064.30. Taxpayers covered $2,839.65. A copy of the bill is on the Festival website, www.redflannelfestival.org.

*The City of Cedar Springs (per their website) enjoys a budget of approx. $6.9 million, and $1.9 million in the general fund. The Festival has a budget of approx. $90,000. The proposed $8,000 is a nominal amount in budget comparisons.

*The Festival has spent $393,000 since 2006 at local or state businesses for goods and services. The policy of the Festival Board is to buy locally first in Cedar Springs, then in the immediate surrounding area, unless items are unavailable.

*The Festival does not employ any paid staff. Planning for the Festival begins in January each year and all work is done solely by volunteers.

*The Festival Board implemented the community share program, whereby non-profit organizations provide volunteers and the Festival shares event profits. The Festival has donated $25,748.05 to area non-profits the past few years.

*The Festival donated $2,024.69 to the City of Cedar Springs the past 2 years for Veterans Park for the Timmy Brown Family Fund from the Flapjack Breakfast.

*The Festival has always paid for security at the Grand Lodge. Since 2005, the Festival has paid $3,495.21 to the CS Police Department for security at the Grand Lodge.

*The recent newspaper article makes it appear we made $18,092 in 2010 for the Grand Lodge. This is because expenses of $1,126 in Sales Tax, $3,180 in contract labor and $2,250 in donations associated with the event are reported in other areas of the tax return.

*Net income for the 2010 Grand Lodge was $12,536.29. In 2011, net income for the Grand Lodge was $8,915.08.

*The Festival draws 35,000+ visitors into the City of Cedar Springs annually for the events, which in turn, boosts local businesses.

Red Flannel Board of Directors

by Sen. Carl Levin

Once again, oil prices are spiking, threatening our economic recovery and causing real hardship for American families and businesses. The price of a barrel of oil is up nearly 30 percent since early October.

Unfortunately, that’s nothing new. For years now, the commodity markets have taken the American people on an expensive and damaging roller coaster ride with rapidly changing prices for crude oil. At the start of 2007, oil cost about $50 a barrel. By July of 2008, oil prices had shot to nearly $150 per barrel and then, by the end of the year, crashed to $35. In the beginning of 2011, oil prices took off again, climbing to over $110 a barrel in May. By October, the price fell to $75 a barrel, a drop of more than 30 percent over four months. Now, three and a half months later, oil prices are back up.

One of the major factors driving these high prices isn’t getting enough attention: excessive speculation in the commodity markets.  Investigations by the Senate Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations, which I chair, have shown how the activities of speculators – those who don’t produce or use oil, but who bet on oil price changes – have overwhelmed normal supply and demand factors and pushed up prices at the expense of consumers and American business.

In 2006, the subcommittee released a report that found that billions of dollars in trading by speculators in the crude oil market was responsible for an estimated $20 out of the then $70 cost for a barrel of oil that year – and a corresponding rise in the price at the gas pump. Since then, even more speculators have entered the commodity markets. Today they bet billions of dollars on oil prices every day.

Oil markets exist to enable producers of oil and users of oil to do business. But at a November hearing before my subcommittee, the chairman of the Commodity Futures Trading Commission, Gary Gensler, testified that 80 percent or more of oil trades are now made by speculators. In February, Forbes magazine, citing a recent report by Goldman Sachs, reported that oil speculation adds 56 cents to the price of each gallon of gas bought at the pump.

Before speculators flooded the markets, oil prices were determined by fundamental market forces of supply and demand. When supplies were tight and demand high, prices went up. In contrast, when supplies were ample and demand low, prices went down.  Nowadays, that relationship is largely absent. There is no shortage in the supply of oil globally, and the United States is producing more oil than it has in a decade. Last year, the United States actually exported more gasoline and other petroleum products than we imported. At the same time, U.S. demand for fuel actually sank.

Under normal economic conditions, rising production and lower demand should mean lower prices. Instead, prices are more volatile than ever. One key reason is that speculators are playing too large a role in the oil market. If we are to get a handle on oil prices, we have to curb excessive speculation.

Congress has already taken the first steps. In July 2010, we told federal regulators to establish rules to prevent speculators from dominating markets and distorting prices. Last year, the regulators rolled out the new rules. They are not as tough as they should be, but the real problem is that they are not yet fully in force. That means this important new tool lies dormant. One big roadblock is that the financial industry has filed a lawsuit to stop it from taking effect.

In the meantime, Congress should acknowledge that speculation is helping to drive up gas prices. We should urge federal regulators to exercise emergency authority, without waiting any longer, to clamp down on excessive speculation in the oil markets.

Congress should also ask more of the president’s task force on commodity speculation. A year ago, Sen. Jack Reed of Rhode Island and I sent a letter asking President Obama to convene a task force to investigate and combat excessive oil speculation. While the attorney general did convene a task force, it focused on criminal cases instead of the broader problem of commodity traders driving up gas prices. The task force should urgently refocus and bring its firepower to the battle against excessive speculation.

American families cannot afford the current price of oil and neither can our economy, which after four years is beginning to turn a corner toward real growth. Ignoring how speculators affect oil prices could put our recovery at risk.

Carl Levin is the senior U.S. senator from Michigan.

Watchful eyes

You may have noticed the little blue “police” cars on the streets of Rockford. Behind the wheels are some unpaid good guys, members of Rockford’s Volunteer Services Unit Chief David Jones came up with the useful (and cheap) idea six or seven years ago. The volunteers (about 16 of them) police handicapped parking spaces, check on vacant homes and on the disabled, and monitor the White Pine Trail. They also staff the Visitors Center much of the week.

Volunteers usually work one day a week. Although unarmed themselves, they keep an eye on things throughout the city and are in radio contact with headquarters if they see something that needs attention.

Sgt. Dave Robinson, who has been with the Rockford Police Department since 2000, is in charge of the unit. In 2011 Dave received the West Michigan Crime Prevention Practitioner of the Year Award.

Our sister city, Cedar Springs, does not have an official Neighborhood Watch. However, Chief of Police Roger Parent says the department encourages residents to notify the police 24/7 if they see anything that might be suspicious. Chief Parent emphasizes that the C.S. police are never too busy to handle these calls.

More watchful eyes

The radar installed in a police helicopter caught a speeding motorist.

Down below, a police officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket.

“How did you know I was speeding?” asked the frustrated driver.

The officer pointed somberly toward the sky.

“You mean,” said the motorist, “that even He is out to get me?”

Police department

From a State Policeman:

I once received a call from a woman who asked how to baste a turkey. After a stunned moment I, being the go-to cook in my family, described the procedure.

Then I thought to ask: “But why would you call the State Police to find out how to baste a turkey?”

There was only a slight hesitation before the lady replied, “Well, you knew, didn’t you?”

Paramedics department

As he came out his front door onto the porch, a man passed out in a dead faint. Someone called 911.

When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and then asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

“It was enough to make anybody faint,” said the man. “My son asked me for the keys to the garage and, instead of taking off in the car, he came out with the lawn mower!”

Art department

Tom goes to his first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One huge canvas has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color with drips of purple paint streaked across it.

Tom walks over to the artist and says, “I don’t understand your paintings.”

“I paint what I feel inside me,” explains the artist.

Tom says, “Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?”

From the editor

We’ve been getting comments on the story we ran last week “Festival proposed city pay to use trademark.” Below we are printing a letter we received, and a few samples of comments from our website and our Facebook page. Please visit those sites at www.cedarspringspost.com and www.facebook.com/cedarspringspost to read all the comments, or post some of your own. You can also email us at news@cedarspringspost.com.

An idea to raise funds for Red Flannel Day

Dear Editor,

One idea about gaining money  to support Red Flannel Day could be a Booster Club. The Cedar Springs Red Flannel Day Boosters Club, an independent club composed of our citizens, and one ex-officio member from the City Council and one ex-officio member from the RFF.

We have many public-spirited folks in the Cedar Springs community. A concerned, dedicated leader of the Boosters, with the help of the Boosters committee, could create programs to earn money specifically for Red Flannel Day expenses.

Very truly yours, 

Lyle Perry, Jr

Some online comments 

I was intrigued by Ms. Andres’ statement, “is it the city or the festival?” This is not an either-or, but a both-and. Without the City’s support, there would be no Red Flannel Festival; without the Red Flannel Festival, the City wouldn’t have a signature event.

The City made a decision based on budgetary constraints, and donors stepped up to cover the RFF’s deficit. This is probably what should continue. A true win-win for everyone.

Craig Owens, Cedar Springs

I’m pretty sure that Red Flannel weekend brings the most business in one weekend than any other weekend of the year.

Benjamin Knapp

This has everything to do with the relationship between the committee and the City Manager. As the article says…it’s been a cooperation in the past. The only reason it isn’t is because the CM sprang on the RFF charging them for city services.

I do think the RFF needs to be knocked down a peg or 2. They think they run the town. I think it’s time for “Cedar-fest,” move it up a month for nicer weather and tell the RFF we’re no longer interested. It will be hard to protect that precious logo without income.

William Wheeler

I think this is very irritating of the RFF to do. Amazing how the amount is exactly the same as the cuts last year. As a society we’ve all had to endure cuts. They should not be immune, and the residents should own the TM not the committee. I as a resident would not want to profit off of history. The TM is synonymous with the city of Cedar Springs. Let’s keep politics out of the underwear!!

Katie Griffard Kangas

I am fine paying a little more in taxes to support our festival. Every year it brings in revenue to our local business, and that is worth supporting. The festival really just needs the city to cover the police and DPW workers, they are not trying to make a profit off any of us.

Molly Nixon