A personal thanks
…to all the people who have put up pretty Christmas decorations. No, I don’t have any myself yet, but the rest of you make the town look beautiful.
Lacking in smarts
I’ve been noticing all those squirrels around town and how they keep running into the roads. They’re fearless. Sometimes they stop in the middle and stare at me. Given that living creatures, over time, develop ways of surviving, I’d think that the smart ones would be afraid of cars. All the others, the dumb ones, would have been crow food by now. Apparently brain evolution evolves slower than the combustion engine.
Not so smart
A couple of newspaper bloopers (not ours):
“Chairman Billings asked Board members to muster support from parent-teacher groups to support the governor on driving while intoxicated.”
“He hasn’t even had his day in court yet, but Simon Wynne has been kicked off the ESU basketball team after being arrested and accused of driving a parked car while intoxicated.”
Smart
On her way back from the concession stand, the girl asked a man at the end of the row, “Pardon me, but did I step on your foot a few minutes ago?” Expecting an apology, the man said, “Indeed you did.”  The girl smiled. “Oh good,” she said, “then this is my row.”
Very smart
Kenny, a city boy, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer pocketed the money and agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
“Sorry, son,” said the farmer when he got to Kenny’s house the next morning. “I have some bad news. The donkey died.”
Kenny: “Well then, just give me my money back.”
Farmer: “Can’t do that. I already went and spent it.”
Kenny: “Okay then, just unload the donkey.”
Farmer: What ya gonna do with him?”
Kenny: “I’m going to raffle him off.”
Farmer: “You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!”
Kenny: “Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny again. “What happened with that dead donkey?” he asked.
Kenny: “Like I said, I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars each and made a profit of $898.00.”
Farmer: “Didn’t anybody complain?”
Kenny: “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.”
Kenneth Lay grew up and eventually became founder, chairman, and CEO of Enron Corporation.
Last words
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

Believe in community

Support businesses that support your local newspaper

By Lois Allen, publisher
Rockford has recently seen the shut down of one of their two local newspapers. The Rockford Independent, owned by Stafford Communications out of Greenville, Michigan, has ceased to cover and print Rockford area news. Rockford now has one local newspaper, The Rockford Squire.
Will Cedar Springs lose their one and only?
The Post has a great following of readership. We have over 1,600 friends on facebook (and a few enemies off). For over two decades, we have viewed the people of Cedar Springs through the eyes of a reporter, arriving at accidents and fires, attending city council and school board meetings, documenting historical tragedies, personal moments, growth and loss. We are a reflection of the stories and people that appear on our printed pages. We hear the voice of the people and we are their eyes and ears when they cannot attend meetings or events that may affect them.
The newspaper brings everyone together in good and bad times as one community. And this is a great little community. When a business places their advertising in the local newspaper, they are sending a message to you: “I believe in [this] community.”
However, like many small businesses, it is a fragile thing and is not immune from economic decline. The Post stands alone and is not owned or supported by a corporate body. It does not receive government grants or special tax breaks. It is like any other business. It has to make payroll, printing and it has to pay its bills. Each newspaper costs almost $1 to produce from start to finish. Truly, it’s no small feat we are still printing every week.  While some local newspapers may be thriving, we are struggling day to day to break even.
We are not asking for support from our business community in, around and next to Cedar Springs, we offer a SOLUTION for them. Utilize your local newspaper. We can be the first step in your business recovery.
We print 5,000 newspapers and distribute them to everyone. Our web site is open and available to anyone, which had more than 13,000 visits last week. Yes, that’s in just one week. The site had 8,000 hits in just one day alone. How can you not see a value in that? Maybe it’s still too small to attract big business, but what local business wouldn’t want nearly 20,000 potential customers (print and web combined) knowing they are here? Who else can offer that locally?
As our community grows, it draws bigger business. But big business doesn’t need the local newspaper. They have thousands and even millions in advertising dollars to run nationally or spend big bucks on direct mail advertising.
Small businesses should take advantage—you can afford the local newspaper! What better place to promote what you have to offer than next to the faces and stories of your customers?
We want to keep printing these stories and faces. We want to continue to document the heart and soul of Cedar Springs. And, if not enough see the value in it then they will surely lose it—forever. And so will the people of Cedar Springs. Imagine what Cedar Springs would be like without the Post.
If it was up to you (the readers) or me, of course, we want the Post to keep coming. But it’s not up to us. So I’m calling on all local businesses, doctors, lawyers, car repair shops, beauty salons, dentists, plumbers, electricians, tree farms, retail shops and anyone wishing to do business in Cedar Springs! Use this local paper. Spend some of your advertising dollars here. It’s the most American thing you can do.
We deserve our paper too!

Dear Editor,
I would like to take this opportunity to inform the residents of Solon Township that the Township Board is pushing to vote at the monthly meeting next Tuesday evening to finalize the plans for the new township hall/community building.  This action would pave the way to start construction this coming spring.
My concerns are these:  The original site plan did not include the future use of the entire parcel, only the immediate site of the new township hall.  The board has stated in the past that there are plans to use the property in the future as a site for a new fire station, a park with picnic pavilion, baseball and soccer fields and other amenities. These future plans were not taken into consideration when it came to the site location of the new hall.
Secondly, the board picked a group of Solon residents to come up with the building design and did not consult an architect.
I understand the that the Board would like to begin this project as soon as possible, but I think that they should proceed in a more prudent way, and make sure that if they are going to spend nearly a three quarters of a million dollars of taxpayer money ($200,000 borrowed), that the design of the entire parcel should be considered, and that an architect be consulted to make sure that the new hall and future buildings are designed in a way that is cohesive, the designs are inspired, and the finished product is something that the residents of Solon Township are truly proud of.
I encourage any Solon residents to come to the meeting at the Solon Township Hall next Tuesday evening (Dec. 13) at 7:30 and voice your opinions. If you have any questions you can call me at 231-750-2337.
Thanks,
Len Allington/Solon Township resident

XXX rated
The Republican presidential field has been slimming down as the candidates dig up dirt on each other. Herman Cain was shot down with surprising speed. Do you suppose that a few of the others have their fingers crossed, hoping that embarrassing episodes don’t surface?
American politics has almost become free adult entertainment. The process does increase the chances that we’ll get the cleanest candidate. But remember, it doesn’t always follow that he/she will be the most competent.
So far, so good
We missed the big storm on the east coast that put out the lights for weeks. Now we seem to have missed the windstorm on the west coast. I have my fingers crossed. (No, not for that.)
Speaking of …
Speaking of the war between the sexes, here’s a woman’s point of view: “Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.”
Logic question
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. “Here’s the situation,” she says. “A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can’t swim, and runs down to the riverbank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?” A girl raised her hand and responded, “To draw out all his savings?”
More logic questions
• Did Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?
• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
• When someone says, “A penny for your thoughts” and you put your two cents worth in, what happens to the other penny?
• Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s stale bread to begin with.
• If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Critical analysis
A retired man in New York volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals. Recently he went through his act at a Brooklyn hospital. He told some jokes, played his portable keyboard, and sang funny songs.
In farewell, he waved and said, “I hope you get better.”
One elderly patient (a woman, of course) replied, “I hope you get better, too.”
Logical assumption
Two police officers respond to a crime scene behind a grocery store. The homicide detective is already there.
“What happened?” asks the first officer.
“Male, about 25, covered in Raisin Bran and dead as a doornail.”
“Good grief,” says the second officer. “Didn’t we have one covered in Frosted Flakes yesterday? And Captain Crunch last week?”
“You’re right,” says the detective, taking drag on his cigar. “I’m afraid that this is the work of a cereal killer.”

Real story
Last week on TV I saw a Harrison Ford movie, the one where he’s on a perilous quest for a mysterious crystal skull. That reminded me of the day many years ago when I, personally, stumbled into the world of the crystal skull. This is true.
I’d driven my mother to Kitchener, Ontario, so she could visit a friend of hers. Her friend, it turned out, had an interesting past. Stashed in the woman’s closet was a case containing … yes, a crystal skull.
The woman’s father supposedly was a British explorer. She claimed she had accompanied him on an expedition to Central America in the 1920s, where he (they) discovered the artifact. The details of how they found it were murky, but the “thing” did look like a human skull made of clear crystal. The details of the supernatural powers of the skull were also a bit murky.
I held it in my hands. It was heavy and perfectly done, with no tool marks.  I must not be susceptible to magic. As far as I know, my close encounter didn’t affect me one way or the other.

Horse story
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down for a beer. A few minutes later a tall cowboy came in and said, “Who owns the big white horse outside?”
The Lone Ranger stood, hitched up his gun belt, and said, “I do. Why?”
“I thought you’d like to know that your horse is just about dead out there,” said The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed out and, sure enough, Silver had nearly expired from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and made him drink it.  Soon Silver seemed to feel a little better. “Tonto,” said the Lone Ranger, “I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough breeze to cool him off a little more.” Tonto took off, running circles around Silver while the Lone Ranger went back inside to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy walked into the bar and asked, “Who owns that big white horse outside?”
“I do,” said the Lone Ranger. “What’s wrong with him this time?”
“Nothing much,” said the cowboy. “I just wanted you to know that you left your injun running.”

Cat story
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a neighbor’s new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, “There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens!”
“How did you know that?” his mother asked.
“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”

Words to the wise
Be nice to your kids.  They’ll choose your nursing home.

For the second year in a row, Kent District Library has been recognized as one of America’s Star Libraries, as rated by the Library Journal Index of Public Library Service, a national rating of public libraries. KDL was one of only three libraries in Michigan to receive this honor. Ann Arbor District Library and Benzie Shores District Library also were ranked as Star Libraries.
Library Journal ranked 7,513 public libraries and identified 262 star performers. Libraries were ranked and given scores based on their circulation, visits, program attendance and public internet terminal use. The top libraries in each category, organized by ranges of operating expenditures, are recognized as a Star Library.
“We are thrilled that Kent District Library has received this accolade and appreciate the support that our patrons and communities have shown over the years,” said Lance Werner, KDL’s Director.
Library Journal is the oldest and most respected publication covering the library field.
For more information, call 784-2007 or visit www.kdl.org.

Kent District Library is a millage-supported system encompassing 18 branch libraries in 26 governmental units throughout Kent County, Michigan. KDL serves 362,312 people in all areas of Kent County except the Cities of Grand Rapids and Cedar Springs, Village of Sparta, and Solon and Sparta Townships.

By Lee H. Hamilton

The latest New York Times/CBS News poll had bad news for Congress, whose support is down to single digits. But it had even worse news for the Republic. Americans’ distrust of government, the pollsters found, is “at its highest level ever.”
When so many Americans believe that their representatives in Washington do not have their best interests in mind, something is desperately off-kilter. It means that Americans feel betrayed by how the political class operates.
So the question becomes what can be done to restore the people’s trust in government. May I suggest it involves more than changing policies. It means paying attention to the values that people would like to see embodied in government.
To start, they want fairness from Washington. I’ve always been impressed by the importance Americans place on fairness; they strive to be fair to those around them, and they expect government to do the same.
They also want government to be open. This is not a blanket pronouncement — where national security and defense are concerned, or where congressional negotiators need space to find common ground without being forced to posture for the cameras, there is a place for secrecy. But transparency ought to be the rule.
There is also a deep thirst for accountability in Washington. So many different people have their hands on promoting or blocking a given initiative, it can seem as though the entire political system is designed to shrug off responsibility. It is hard to respect institutions whose leaders refuse a forthright accounting of, or deny responsibility for, their failures.
Americans do not expect miracles or understate the difficulties of governing. They do not expect a single person to right the ship of state. Quite the contrary. They want a collective effort, a sense that people in government are working together to resolve their differences. Americans tolerate disagreement, but not to the point of gridlock — in the end they prefer cooperation, not confrontation; remedies, not filibusters and scorched-earth politicking.
Finally, they want honesty. Americans really do want to know the scope of the problems they confront and to make up their own minds about them. They resent politicians who paper over the complexity of the problems or toss off inadequate solutions.
Rebuilding trust in American government will require more than changes in rules or policy. It will rest on the manner in which our elected officials conduct the business of government, and their willingness to embrace fairness, openness, accountability, cooperation, competence and honesty.
Lack of trust in government is a far more serious problem than most politicians believe, one that cannot be resolved easily. The solution can only come from a patient, long-term effort to return to our fundamental values and instincts.
Lee Hamilton is Director of the Center on Congress at Indiana University. He was a member of the U.S. House of Representatives for 34 years.

Zap on!
The Republican nomination wrestle is turning out to be more fun than I expected. What a sight. All eight candidates are dancing around for a better position. While energetically looking for dirt on the others, each tries to deflect attention away from his or her own personal shortcomings.
Yes, it’s tacky, even discouraging, but we might as well enjoy it if we can. When the GOP has chosen its candidate, thereal mud slinging will start. I could do without it and will keep my TV remote in hand. You?
Meanwhile, have a nice Thanksgiving!
Long joke
A contestant on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” had reached the final question. If she answered it correctly, she’d win $1 million. If not, she’d pocket only the $32,000 milestone money. Naturally, the $1 million question wasn’t easy: “Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it A) the condor, B) the buzzard, C) the cuckoo, or D) the vulture?”
The woman was on the spot. She didn’t know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. The woman had hoped she wouldn’t have to use it because her friend was, well, a blond. But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blond responded unhesitatingly: “That’s easy. The answer is C, the cuckoo.”
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer except the one her friend had given her. Considering that her friend was blond, that seemed like the logical move. On the other hand – the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certainty….
Crossing her fingers, the woman said, “C, the cuckoo.”
In joy, she heard the host’s response “That answer is …  absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!”
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win. “Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you!” said the woman. “How did you happen to know the right answer?”
“Oh, come on,” said the blonde. “Everybody knows that cuckoos don’t build nests. They live in clocks.”
Short joke
Returning to West Point late one night, Colonel Schultz and his wife were challenged by the sentry at the gate.
“Halt and identify yourself!”
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” declared the startled woman.
The sentry stepped aside. “Advance, Holy Family, to be recognized.”
Final words
Of course I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.

By Sen. Carl Levin

Earlier this year, the Senate Armed Services Committee, which I chair, began an investigation of counterfeit electronic parts finding their way into the systems that our military uses to defend us. We recently held our first hearing to look at what our investigation has discovered so far, and what we have found will shock the American public.
There is a flood of counterfeit electronic parts entering the defense supply chain.  It is endangering our troops and costing us a fortune. And the overwhelming share of these counterfeits comes from one country: China.
Here is some of what we have found:
*Looking at just a slice of the defense contracting universe, the committee reviewed 1,800 cases of electronic parts suspected to be counterfeit.  Those 1,800 cover more than 1 million individual parts. Now, 1 million parts is surely a huge number, but remember, we’ve only looked at a portion of the defense supply chain. Those 1,800 cases are just the tip of the iceberg.
*Staff selected more than 100 of those cases to trace the suspect parts back through the supply chain. In more than 70 percent of cases, the trail led to China, where a brazenly open market in counterfeit electronic parts thrives.  In most of the remaining cases, the trail led to known resale points for parts coming from China.
*We also conducted detailed investigations of how suspect counterfeit parts from China ended up in three key defense systems. In each case, we traced the parts through a complex web of subcontractors and suppliers back to Chinese companies.
*It is stunning how far the counterfeiters are willing to go.  We asked the Government Accountability Office (GAO), acting undercover, to go online and buy electronic parts used in military systems. Every single part the GAO has received so far has been counterfeit. GAO found suppliers who not only sold them counterfeit parts when they sought real parts; suppliers were also willing to sell them parts with nonexistent, made-up part numbers. Every one of the counterfeit parts they received came from China.
Too often, the cost of replacing counterfeit parts once they are discovered falls on taxpayers. We are working on legislation that would change Pentagon rules so that contractors, not taxpayers, pay to replace counterfeit parts when they are discovered. We will require that contractors notify the military immediately when they discover electronic parts that are suspected to be counterfeit, and that they report those counterfeit cases to a computerized system that contractors and the government use to track such problems.
But as we do that, we also must stop the flood of counterfeit parts at the source – and that source is mainly in China.
Witnesses told us how counterfeiters in China remove electronic parts from scrapped computers and other electronic waste, how they wash the parts in dirty rivers, and dry them in the street.  Counterfeiters make this scrap look like new parts and sell them openly in markets in Chinese cities and through the Internet to buyers around the world.
Chinese authorities impeded our investigation, refusing even to issue visas to our investigators to enter mainland China. At one point, a Chinese embassy official told staff that the issues we were investigating were “sensitive” and that the investigation could be “damaging” to U.S.-China relations.
They got it backwards. What is damaging to U.S.-China relations is China’s refusal to act against brazen counterfeiting.
If China does not act promptly to end counterfeiting, then we will have no choice but to treat all electronic parts coming in from China—whether for military or civilian use—as  suspected counterfeits. That would mean requiring inspection of all shipments of Chinese electronic parts to ensure that they are legitimate.
We cannot afford to put our troops at risk by arming them with unreliable weapons or asking them to fly planes with fake parts on them. We cannot afford to spend needed defense dollars on fake parts. And we cannot allow our national security to depend on electronic scrap salvaged from trash heaps by counterfeiters in China.
Carl Levin is the senior U.S. senator from Michigan and chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee.

The people speak
The Constitution states that it’s designed to “…promote the general Welfare….” Various elections around the country last week promoted something, and maybe the results were generally good for us.
Down in Kalamazoo, voters decided they weren’t going to jail people who had small quantities of marijuana. Could be that Kalamazoo has too many marijuana perps, I mean casual users, for the police to bother with.
In Ohio, the people spoke and the unions aren’t busted. Let’s be glad about that, since collective bargaining played a major role in creating our American middle class (which seems endangered at the moment, but that’s for another column).
Some surprising compromises popped up between social conservatives and social liberals. Mississippi voters decided that just-fertilized human eggs weren’t full-fledged people after all. (Seems obvious to me, but that’s Mississippi for you.) If the proposal had passed, would forgetting to take your prenatal vitamin get you charged with child neglect? Would running or swimming while pregnant be considered child endangerment? Can’t you just imagine lines of newly pregnant Mississippians applying for fetal Social Security?
Speaking of the South…
Redneck Computer Lingo:
Hard drive: Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with three flat tires while pulling a trailer load of barnyard fertilizer.
Reboot: What you do when the first pair gets covered with the barnyard fertilizer.
Keyboard: Place to hang your truck keys.
Window: Place in the truck to hang your guns.
Modem: How you got rid of your dandelions.
Mouse: Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff into your beer bottle so you can get a free case.
Household hint department
1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the ladies about putting down the toilet seat; use the sink.
3. A mousetrap placed on top of your alarm clock will keep you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
4. You need only two tools in life: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
Truth or Consequences
Laurel and Hardy were repairing their roof. (For you younger folks, Laurel and Hardy made funny movies back in the day.)
Anyway, Hardy was up on the roof, lost his balance, and went tumbling to the ground. Laurel rushed over to Hardy, who was lying motionless, and asked, “You still alive or are you dead?”
Hardy: “Alive.”
Laurel: “You mostly lie to me. I don’t know whether to trust you or not.”
Hardy: “Then I must be dead. You wouldn’t dare call me a liar if I was alive.”
That blonde again
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. She rolled the dice and landed on Science & Nature. The question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?” She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”