Out of Iraq

A long war is over in Iraq. It started with a sweep of military might which left the enemy army in shambles. Then we took over the job of turning the country into a democracy and rebuilding the damage from the war.  It’s all over now and we didn’t do such a good job of it. They are still killing each other for religious or political reasons and they don’t have enough electricity.

Now we seem determined to try the same in Afghanistan. The Russians tried it and gave up. We could do it if we want to take another 10 or 20 years and all our money and troops. I think the results would be worse.  And then we have Pakistan!

A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin on St. Patty’s Day and his car is weaving all over the road. An Irish cop pulls him over.

“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?”

“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few.”

“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the man. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

Papal dispensation

On a tour of Texas, the Pope took a couple of days off for. He was cruising along the beach in the pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A man wearing a Green Bay Packer jersey was struggling to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark.

As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing Minnesota Viking jerseys. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark’s side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious Packer Backer from the water, then the three beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.

Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. “I give you my blessing for your brave actions,” he told them. “I heard that there was bitter hatred between Green Bay Packers & Vikings fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true.” As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies, “Who was that?”

“It was the Pope,” one replied. “He is in direct contact with God.”

Eight years ago, if you told me I would be living out in Greenville with my husband and kids, that my mom would end up marrying our next door neighbor, that my husband would eventually take up hunting (of all things!) and that we would be homeschooling our kids, growing a vegetable garden and raising chickens, I would have not only told you that you were crazy, but I would have paid your cab fare from here to Bellevue.

Life takes us in unexpected directions!

I was raised in a Forest Hills suburb of Grand Rapids. I didn’t do 4-H. I didn’t even know what 4-H was until adulthood. We didn’t have deer in the backyard or coyotes. Our one neighborhood raccoon was a big, talked about, pesky celebrity amongst the neighbors. We had city recreation. We rode our bikes on paved streets. We swam in pools, not lakes. Sure, we would swim in lakes when we went camping, just as country kids occasionally visit pools. The strange thing about being raised in suburbia is you don’t regard yourself as a city kid or a country kid.

Having considered my childhood awesome, I envisioned recreating it for my own children someday. I wanted them to have the same experiences I did growing up. When my husband and I were house hunting, I fell in love with the homes I saw on cul-de-sacs, with basketball hoops in the driveway, and neighborhoods filled with kids that they’d ride the school bus with. My husband was not raised on a farm, but he grew up slightly more country than I did, and rode his bike on gravel dirt paths and swam in lakes and got lost in the woods. Looking for houses to buy, he fell in love with the big yards and homes that had character to them instead of “cookie-cutter” houses, as he called them. This was a source of argument for us. Yes, a big yard would be nice, I would say, but I don’t want to be out in the boondocks!

When we found an affordable house with a big yard out in Greenville, it was about 4 miles outside of city limits, a reasonable mixture of country and city. We compromised. The next several years I adjusted to country life without realizing it. Deer, coyotes, weasels, snapping turtles. We had whole families of raccoons at our bird feeders every night, one in the middle of the day that I would shoo off with a pan and broom.

Even our cat, who had always been an indoor pet and lived with me in apartments in downtown Grand Rapids, slowly became an indoor/outdoor mouse-eating, bird-catching country kitty.

In hindsight, I don’t know why it took me so long to realize I was becoming a country mom. But for some reason, in the last 2 years, with my husband deciding to take up hunting for the meat, my mom and husband starting a vegetable garden to grow everything from tomatoes to pumpkins, and now for my mom and kids to convince me (somehow) that we should consider raising chickens… it finally hit me. This is not at all where I envisioned my life would go.

For the record, I’m glad that God dreams things for our lives that we could never envision. I may never have dreamt I’d end up here, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I’ve come to realize that different doesn’t mean bad. Just because my kids won’t have a carbon copy of my childhood, doesn’t mean they won’t have an awesome childhood. Their social activity may come from various homeschool co-ops, clubs, community classes and camps, rather than the school bus, neighborhood and lunch line; but that doesn’t mean they can’t have valid, long-lasting friendships and a stable social environment. They may not have paved streets to ride their bikes on, but they’ll have trails to explore, gardens to water and chickens to chase. They’ll have grandma and papa next door to run back and forth from with frogs in one hand and buckets of rocks in the other.

Somehow, I am winding up as this strange combination of a soccer mom and farmer. I’ve got a mini-van and a chicken coop. I may never be on the PTA, but I’m an assistant organizer for our homeschool support group, which consists of 50-some families and growing. How did I get here? Only God knows, and He is winking at me.

Michigan forgot pro-life roots in election

I was disheartened over the recent pri­mary election results. We, the people of Michigan, finally received an opportunity to vote for a pro-life governor. There were three candidates running in the Repub­lican primary who had a strong pro-life stand: Pete Hoekstra, Mike Cox and Mike Bouchard. But what did we do? We chose the only Republican candidate who does not believe in the importance of the pro-life issue.

We have strayed from our long-time, firmly held belief that “all men … are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights … Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.” Instead, we have made the economy our most important issue, to the neglect of being a voice for the precious, defenseless infant in the womb who deserves these same rights.

May God forgive us and help us to remember that what is of utmost impor­tance to Him must also be of utmost importance to us.
Marsha Underwood
Cedar Springs native, now of Zeeland

Done with oil

The Gulf spill is pretty well over, and so is our little spill in Michigan.  Now we can get on with other things. The immigration fuss in Arizona seems to be on hold; we are moving out of Iraq. The pressing news now is Afghanistan and Pakistan. We really have no business fighting a guerilla war there. It’s almost impossible to win a war with guerillas. Remember Viet Nam? Or look at Northern Ireland. While mostly under control, there is still violence, and the Basques are still fighting in France.
It’s difficult to change the society of those countries to turn them into a democracy like ours. We should re-think the idea.

Congratulations Rockford

The “City” of Rockford is celebrating 75 years.  Smith Latham had a sawmill on the river and Wolverine generated electricity. Now the dam and river are mostly scenic. A nice improvement!

Two better than one

A blonde was driving home, after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car’s tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, “What are you doing?”
The first blonde told her how the repairman had told her to blow into the tailpipe to get all the dents to pop out.

Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, “Hel-l-l-lo! You need to roll up the windows!”

Classical insults

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.”
He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”
“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” - Clarence Darrow
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” -  Winston Churchill replied.
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial” – Irvin S. Cobb
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx

Thank you

To the Editor,

The residents and staff at Metron of Cedar Springs would like to thank the community and all the businesses for contributions and/or sponsorships given to benefit our Annual Family Fun Day held on Saturday, August 7, 2010.

I would also like to thank all the staff and families of Metron of Cedar Springs who made this a fun time for all.

Sincerely,
Billie Vanderlaan
Community Relations Coordinator

Tasty carp

We’ve been worried about the Asian Carp and the Great Lakes. Well, it turns out that these fish are a delicacy in China. There is a company that wants to buy 30 million pounds of these “wild” carp. They are reported to be tasty and have better flavor than the farm raised carp in China.  I think our problem is solved! We can sell those fish in trade for the junk we buy from China.

Real security

There is a lot of misinformation about Social Security. First passed in 1936 it has turned out to be a lifesaver for the retired. The current plan is good until 2037. At that point it would be broke. We can fix this. The Bush tax cuts to the ultra rich could take care of the shortfall. So could a small increase in the tax. Raising the retirement age by a couple of years would also put us back in the black. It’s all because we are living longer and not working more. It’s o.k. now and the fix is fairly easy.

Take care

At the end of the funeral service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out, when they accidentally bump into a wall, and jar the casket. They hear a faint moan and open the casket to find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.

As they walk away, the husband cries out, “Watch out for the wall!”

Actual federal employee evaluation quotes

1. Works well only when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap

2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

3. I would not allow this employee to breed.

4. This employee is really not so much of a has-been but more of a definite won’t be.

5. Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

Hobby

Dr. Cutter is veterinarian known for his wry humor.  He surpassed himself one summer day when a dog was brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine.

After over an hour of prying, pulling, cutting, and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner who asked what she owed.

“A hundred and fifty dollars, Ma’am,” he answered.

“Why that’s simply outrageous!” she stormed.  “That’s what’s wrong with you Maine people, you’re always trying to overcharge summer visitors. Whatever do you do in the winter, when we’re not being gypped here?”

The veterinarian replied, “Raise porcupines, Ma’am.”

Legalize drugs?

All of us take drugs and they do us a lot of good. Some are illegal becue they are habit forming. The “war on drugs” was lost from the start. In Mexico the drug gangs are trying to take over the government. If we legalized them, sold them in government stores, and taxed them we’d be ahead of the game. The drug gangs would be out of business and the tax money could pay for rehabilitation. We’ve almost legalized marijuana already.  Remember Prohibition? That was democracy working.

Nature rules

Speaking of nature, Mother Nature seems to do what she wants and mobile homes watch out! Coastal habitat is chancy with hurricanes and tsunamis. If the Midwest is not erased with tornadoes, it’s dying of the heat. What will happen in winter? We’ve had air travel cancelled by a volcano and Haiti wiped out by an earthquake. At the moment we have killing floods. We really have global warming, and we better do what we can not to make it worse.

Everlasting

A wealthy old man had just recently married a lovely young lady and was beginning to wonder whether she might have married him just for his money. He asked her, “If I lost all my money, would you still love me?”
She said reassuringly, “Oh honey, don’t be silly. Of course I would still love you. And I would miss you terribly.” (Thanks, Denny)

Model citizen

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, and his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “ Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?” (Thanks, Michelle.)

The bright side

A little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with lightning.
The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school.  She also feared the electrical storm might harm her child.  Full of concern, the mother got into her car and quickly drove along the route to her child’s school. As she did, she saw her little girl walking along.
At each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile. More lightning followed quickly and with each, the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile.  When the mother drew up beside the child, she lowered the window and called, “What are you doing?”
The child answered, “I am trying to look pretty because God keeps taking my picture.” (Thanks, Jim Beach.)

Summer news from the Cedar Springs Public Library for June and July always centers on our annual Summer Reading Program. We go all out to make it the extravaganza of the entire year!  This year was no exception. It’s true, people do read for fun and prizes!

Our reading logs were designed with a mission this year for ages 0-2, and five levels for PreK through 6th grades. For 7th grade through adult readers we logged number of books and pages read. Participants logged in as follows:  Ages 0- 2: 8 finished their reading activities; PreK- 2nd grade: 84 participated; 1st – 3rd graders: 99 participated; 4th – 6th graders: 77 participated; 7th – 12 graders:17 participated, reading 59,478 pages & 17 hours via audio books (Joey Sherman read the most with 4,509 pages), adults – 61 participated, reading a total  of 590 books or 151,561 pages and 10 audio books! Top readers were Cynthia Gross (16,973 pages) and Karyl Garrette (14,344 pages)!

We are a community of readers! We had a total of 20 different programs in 6 weeks with 2,317 in attendance overall. We had preschool programs, tween (4th – 6th grade) programs, teen programs, general family programs and adult programs.  At our grand finale Reading Celebration Carnival, July 27, at Morley Park, 355 attended, including our 35 volunteers!

What fun we had!  Our entire community was there or represented. We had games and prizes galore provided by our business partners, including eight Wii games, a motorized scooter, 400 bottles of water, bubbles enough for 300 children, hundreds of smaller prizes, inflatables, water games, water balloons and launchers, two bicycles, 400 ice cream sandwiches, 400 cans of pop products, 300 cookies and a cooler of drink, and a water trough to keep the water cold. It takes a community!

All of the City Departments were represented from the Fire, Police, to the Dept. of Public Works.  Mayor Watson welcomed readers to the party, mixed with the crowd and oversaw the dunk tank event. City Councilor Pam Conley, garden club president Chris McFarlane and Parks and Rec director Amanda Gerhardt all got a good soaking!

The Boy Scouts, troop moms, sisters and friends helped staff games. Great music was provided by Larry and Deb Eadie.  (See POST July 22 for an exhaustive list of our hometown heroes who provided programs, prizes and food for all 6 weeks.)

How do such programs happen?  A Community is great from within…you make our community great.  Judging by the numbers of you who used the library week after week, attended programs, read to your children, used the computers and checked out books, I’d say that we are a community of readers. Great things are in store for Cedar Springs!

As the school year approaches, the Library looks forward to providing weekly Tuesday and bimonthly Friday Story times for preschoolers.  For adults, we have monthly book discussions centering around a great read every 3rd Monday of the month. September 7 begins our annual “READ TO RIDE” program with Elliott’s Amusements, the Red Flannel Festival and Jackie Gillow where students K-8th grades can read to earn 2 FREE tickets/coupons to ride the rides during Red Flannel Days. Download a reading log at redflannelfestival.org or cedarsprings.llcoop.org.  Enjoy the rest of your summer!

Yea! Arizona!

Arizona is enforcing the law. It is illegal to enter this country except with a visa, or as a citizen. Sneaking in across any border is against the law. Arizona is enforcing this law to the distress of the criminals. We’ve had a problem for years. Congress ignored the problem. No wonder Arizona is taking action.

Profile me!

If they start profiling elderly Caucasian men, I’ll start carrying my passport. If you see a man in a mask with a gun, you don’t assume he’s a high school kid on his way home. You check him out. We profile all the time. That’s the way the law is enforced. The fuss about profiling is misplaced. We need to profile kids with cans of spray paint, for example. Let’s let law enforcement to do their job!

Elect me

I’m surprised that all the candidates trash their opposition. I’d like to see one say, “I want to be elected to Congress and try to work with the other party to pass good legislation for the good of the country.” Instead they brag that they opposed laws and “Just say No,” or they claim they supported the same laws. A little co-operation between the parties would be a wonderful change and we might get better laws to benefit all of us.

Pricey

As I was admitted the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist,saying, “I’m going to give you a bracelet. “

“Has it got Rubies and Diamonds ?” I ask coyly.

“No,” he said. “But it costs just as much.”

Love these kids

*A little boy: “Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having a real good time like I am.”

*After the dedication of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally Jason replied, “That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys.”

*A mother had been teaching her three-year old daughter the Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after her mom the lines from the prayer. Finally she decided to go solo. Mommy listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: “Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some E-mail. Amen.”

*A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?” “I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied. “Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”

I encourage your vote for Peter MacGregor, Republican, for the 73rd House District in the Primary Election.  Knowing Peter for many years, I am absolutely convinced that he will make an excellent legislator.

As a former small business owner, Peter has knowledge of the issues facing businesses in Michigan. He will work to develop legislation that will foster the growth of businesses in this state.

Peter shows community involvement by being an active member in organizations such as the Lion’s Club, heading up local fundraising events such as Volley for Mitchell, and coaching Little League sports. He has direct knowledge of the issues facing education since his wife works for the Rockford system and his children attend there.

MacGregor currently holds the office of Cannon Township Supervisor. Under his leadership, we have adopted a balanced budget and worked to cut expenses while continuing to provide services to the community. I believe that his experience at the local level will enable him to bring these skills to the state legislature.

Your vote in the Primary Election on August 3rd will have a tremendous impact on the future of the state and Peter MacGregor is the obvious choice!