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Roger on Main St.

Roger Allen, father of publisher Lois Allen, is still in St. Mary’s Hospital recovering from two recent heart attacks. Cards and well wishes may be sent to Roger Allen, The Cedar Springs Post, PO Box 370, Cedar Springs, MI 49319 and we will be sure he gets them.

The following column was originally published in November 2010.

roger on main streetUpdate

The Post recently did a salute to those serving in the military. The publisher didn’t mention that she, too, is a veteran of the U.S. Army. (She asked to be stationed in a “warm place with a beach.”)  She served in Germany (which is warm in the summer and probably has a beach somewhere.)  After service she did production in a factory and drove an 18-wheeler all over the U.S.

Now she follows in the footsteps of (the late) Cedar Springs pioneer Neils Andersen, continuing publication of the town’s newspaper. She employs seven people with all kinds of equipment that hadn’t even been invented yet when she was in the Army.  (How far will technology take us in the next 20 years?)

Retraining story

A proctologist became fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork; he was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, the proctologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor. “I don’t want to appear ungrateful, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?”

The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.” After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I’ve never seen done in my entire career.”

Priority story

A group of friends went out deer hunting and separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a huge buck.

“Where’s Harry?” asked the others.

“He fainted a couple miles up the trail,” came the answer.

“What? You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?”

“It was a tough decision,” said the hunter. “But I figured no one is going to steal Harry.”

Problem solved story

The construction boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight feet deep. After the job was completed, the boss came back and said an error had been made and the hole wouldn’t be needed. “Fill ‘er up,” he ordered.

The worker did as told, but ran into a problem. He couldn’t get all the dirt packed back into the hole. A mound remained on top. He explained the situation at the construction office.

The boss snorted. “Honestly! The kind of help you get these days! There’s obviously only one thing to do. Go back and dig that hole deeper!”

Last words, almost

If you try to fail, but succeed, which have you done?

Last words

Grow your own dope, plant a man.

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