I lived through the 1928 depression. From what I see now, the current one is working its way to a close. The direction from here is up. Thought you’d like that good news as the leaves come down and we hear winter growling in the distance.
Mrs. Smith gave her first-graders a math problem to solve. “If I had ten sheep and five of them jumped over a fence, how many would be left?”
“None,” answered Josh.
Mrs. Smith raised her eyebrows. “None?” she said. “Josh, I think something’s wrong with your arithmetic.”
“Mrs. Smith,” answered Josh, “you don’t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go.”
Experience doesn’t always bring wisdom; sometimes experience comes alone. That may be the case in my prediction about the economy (although my fingers are crossed and I’m doing what I can). But Josh does know his sheep.
Laws of the natural universe
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last.
Coffee Law: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, someone will ask you to do something that will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy’s Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Rug Law: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet.
And now my favorites
Brown’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.
Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product you really like, they will stop making it.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about
Oliver’s Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.