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Tiger blood hits Cedar Springs

Residents in the peaceful city of Cedar Springs discovered they had been struck with the “Tiger blood” when they awoke early Wednesday morning to see their water tower had been vandalized sometime during Tuesday night.

“What the heck does it mean?” said one resident of Pine Street who admitted that they never watched television. However, for those of us who actually do watch crap on T.V., it was perfectly clear. Charlie Sheen mania has struck right here in the heart of red flannel country!

Authorities currently have no leads but believe it was the work of someone in an air balloon. “We believe the perp(s) (perpetrators) hired an air balloon and hid it in one of these old buildings until dark when they allegedly filled it with helium, becoming airborne and then allegedly painted the water tower,“ said a dude in a police uniform.

Police are asking anyone in the area to come forward if they remember seeing an airbus or air balloon anytime between the hours of midnight and 6 a.m. Wednesday morning.

“He [Sheen] is a train wreck waiting to happen and you just can’t look away,” said Len Allington, town know-it-all. Call your tips into (933) 665-3396 8 (WEF OOL EDYOU!)

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