After every Qantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The form used is a piece of paper on which the pilot completes the top part and lists the problem. The mechanics read it and then respond on the lower half what action was taken, so the pilot on the next flight of the plane can review the form before taking off. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and responses: (P = the problem logged by the pilot, S = the solution and action taken by engineers.) Qantas, by the way, is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on winshield.
S: Live bugs on back order.
P: Auto-pilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.