Out of Iraq

A long war is over in Iraq. It started with a sweep of military might which left the enemy army in shambles. Then we took over the job of turning the country into a democracy and rebuilding the damage from the war.  It’s all over now and we didn’t do such a good job of it. They are still killing each other for religious or political reasons and they don’t have enough electricity.

Now we seem determined to try the same in Afghanistan. The Russians tried it and gave up. We could do it if we want to take another 10 or 20 years and all our money and troops. I think the results would be worse.  And then we have Pakistan!

A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin on St. Patty’s Day and his car is weaving all over the road. An Irish cop pulls him over.

“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?”

“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few.”

“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the man. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

Papal dispensation

On a tour of Texas, the Pope took a couple of days off for. He was cruising along the beach in the pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A man wearing a Green Bay Packer jersey was struggling to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark.

As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing Minnesota Viking jerseys. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark’s side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious Packer Backer from the water, then the three beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.

Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. “I give you my blessing for your brave actions,” he told them. “I heard that there was bitter hatred between Green Bay Packers & Vikings fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true.” As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies, “Who was that?”

“It was the Pope,” one replied. “He is in direct contact with God.”