Tasty carp

We’ve been worried about the Asian Carp and the Great Lakes. Well, it turns out that these fish are a delicacy in China. There is a company that wants to buy 30 million pounds of these “wild” carp. They are reported to be tasty and have better flavor than the farm raised carp in China.  I think our problem is solved! We can sell those fish in trade for the junk we buy from China.

Real security

There is a lot of misinformation about Social Security. First passed in 1936 it has turned out to be a lifesaver for the retired. The current plan is good until 2037. At that point it would be broke. We can fix this. The Bush tax cuts to the ultra rich could take care of the shortfall. So could a small increase in the tax. Raising the retirement age by a couple of years would also put us back in the black. It’s all because we are living longer and not working more. It’s o.k. now and the fix is fairly easy.

Take care

At the end of the funeral service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out, when they accidentally bump into a wall, and jar the casket. They hear a faint moan and open the casket to find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.

As they walk away, the husband cries out, “Watch out for the wall!”

Actual federal employee evaluation quotes

1. Works well only when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap

2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

3. I would not allow this employee to breed.

4. This employee is really not so much of a has-been but more of a definite won’t be.

5. Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

Hobby

Dr. Cutter is veterinarian known for his wry humor.  He surpassed himself one summer day when a dog was brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine.

After over an hour of prying, pulling, cutting, and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner who asked what she owed.

“A hundred and fifty dollars, Ma’am,” he answered.

“Why that’s simply outrageous!” she stormed.  “That’s what’s wrong with you Maine people, you’re always trying to overcharge summer visitors. Whatever do you do in the winter, when we’re not being gypped here?”

The veterinarian replied, “Raise porcupines, Ma’am.”