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Categorized | Voices and Views

Roger on Main Street

Civic progress

As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, the City of Rockford has upgraded the facilities in Rotary Park by installing a Porta-potty. At the time I suggested they add other amenities, like a lighted vanity mirror.  No mirrors yet, but the park now has showers: The other night I saw three young girls in their bathing suits running through the sprinklers.

You can bet it won’t be long before luxuries like these pop up at Morley Park in Cedar Springs.

Truthiness

A biker is riding past the zoo when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside the cage. Her parents are screaming.

The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage, and hits the lion square in the eye with a powerful punch. Whimpering, the lion lets go of the child and jumps back. The biker carries her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A National Inquirer reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter says to the biker, “Sir, that was the bravest thing I ever witnessed.”

The biker replies, “It was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.”

The reporter says, “Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist from the National Inquirer, and this week’s paper will have the story on the front page. So, let me get some details: What do you do for a living?”

The biker replies, “I’ll be an actor someday, I hope. I have a bit part in the new community theater play.”

The journalist leaves, again promising a front-page story. The following week the biker buys a copy of the Inquirer to see if it indeed brings news of his action. On the front page he reads:

CELEBRITY ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

Attn: Apple and Microsoft

1) I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of the Word application and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page article that I swear I did not make any changes to. Please fix this.

2) There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
For example:
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain

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