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Monorail splits Council

By Roger Allen

The latest details for the new monorail system along the White Pine Trail caused a furor in Council last week. Despite bitter backbiting and two fistfights in the men’s room, the issue passed.

When completed, the monorail will run from Comstock Park to Cadillac, finally making it unnecessary for anyone to bike, jog, rollerblade, or walk on the trail.

Supporters of the monorail system pointed out that their legs get tired. Several citizens spoke of the wear and tear on their athletic shoes.

“These Reeboks cost $110 on sale and just look at what the White Pine has done to my sole,” said a female speaker, shaking her foot at Council members.

Projected cost of the basic monorail system is well over $20 million, most of it funded by the State and Federal governments

Construction may take several years. Access stations will also be constructed along the way, adding another $7 or $14 million to the cost. Vendors of sweets, fried food, and salty snacks are urged to apply early for station space.

Fares have not been addressed but discounted monthly fare cards will probably be available. It is expected that food vendors will offer discount punch cards for heavy consumers of their wares.

The total cost to the City is expected to be $30 for its share. It was this monetary matter that divided the Council. The impasse was broken when one Council member figured out an avenue for saving money: The White Pine’s surface will need very little maintenance when nobody is walking on it anymore.

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3 Responses to “Monorail splits Council”

  1. vanman987 says:

    To bad this is just an April Fools joke. The old tracks should have never been lifted and light rail should have run between Cadillac and Grand Rapids to offer low cost transport for workers and to help the economy and enviroment. So instead of biking from downtown Sand Lake to a train station for a ride to Grand Rapids for work, you still have to hope in the car and drive it. But you know a monorail would still work as pictured!

  2. roger wilco says:

    No kidding, I moved from Minnesota a few years ago and one thing I miss most is the availability of public transportation.

    Between my wife driving from Rockford to GRCC 5 days a week, driving back and forth from Rockford to work, and having to drive about 10-20 miles in any direction for anything besides an auto garage or grocery store, it’s not hard to go through over $100 a week in gas on top of a baby sitter 5 days a week for two kids.

    I’m daydreaming, I know, the state is broke, but public transportation would be a godsend for many people and many business fronts that are just a little bit out of the way for some people who have to budget their way of life around a gas tank.

  3. Paix says:

    I forgot how funny Roger is. I love it because Roger puts thought into this stuff!




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